For my 14 year old daughter, on her birthday: My sweet kid. It’s your 14th birthday but we can’t sing the song and watch you blow out the candles as we always have. We can’t even say your name—to utter the name I gave you, your given name, is forbidden. It’s what you like to call your “dead name”. It’s one of the many lies you have been told.
The worst is this isn’t from her. She’s reacting perfectly to the ideology presented to her over and over and over on our own schools and social media. Such a scary time! I feel for you so so much and it hasn’t even happened to me as a parent yet.
I totally relate, except my son wants to be a female. It's sickening what he's done to his body. He's 24 right now, this started via a cross dress day at the high school.
Dear mom, my heart is full of empathy to you. 14 was the worst age for girls. Please draw firm boundaries and explain why. You are the guard rail for your child. Maybe this trans bomb is a cry for attention from you. Stay strong, draw boundaries, fight this belief system. It popped up in the last 5 minutes of human history. It's based on a personal belief. It affects autistic, or mentally ill, or traumatized or future LGB youth. Things will get better, I PROMISE you. After 1 year of utter hell (2020), 2021 was a little better, and this year my daughter shops for pretty clothes at the women's section. The only concession I made was to use the new name. Never the wrong pronouns. Every time an unreasonable demand was made, I pushed back (e.g., the old pictures stayed on the wall). We ran away from her friends, school, everything. The friends were the ones spreading this mind plague to each other. I got her pets and she also volunteers in a farm. Something to make her feel useful. Sending you all my positive energy. Stay strong, don't capitulate in the face of this lunacy. You are your child's guard rail.
I think connection to real things is important. Start a garden. Get daughters AND sons to help with small children with the understanding that nothing be said to confuse the little persons. Be in nature. Minimize internet stuff, and NOTHING IN THE BEDROOM.
Tears are running down my face. I have so much empathy for you. My beloved grandchildren are going through the same gender/sexual confusion. I only pray that time will heal their minds and mend your heart.
I have so much respect and sympathy for you and all affected parents who pour their hearts out into these writings. I wish there was something more I can do than to send virtual hugs and say, "I hear you. So many of us hear you. You are not wrong. You are not alone. We are trying to turn this around."
This cult has destroyed any trust I still had in the media and government.
Sharing our burdens helps. This cult also destroyed my ability to trust government. There are a few champions in British Parliament. MP Miriam Cates gave an excellent speech showing she understands
I am so sorry. It sounds like you really, really want to tell her things, but I'm not seeing any sign that you want to listen to her . You won't get anywhere with her until you can listen without judgement. I know it's really hard to do that.
Tick, tick, tick... yes... another carbon copy of that list of experiences and emotions, and I want to give you a massive hug.
Five years in, I still can't bring myself to use my child's preferred name or pronouns. I have learned to convolute sentences and communication methods to avoid pronouns altogether, and only use pet names like "darling" and "babe" (or "the teen" if talking about her) instead of her name. I burst into tears at PT interviews recently, when they talked about my "son" and how "he" (a once bright and engaged girl) is once again, failing at high school. I look at my once-strong, straight and talented gymnast - so proud of what her body could DO!! - and see a starved, scarred and hunched shadow... and my heart breaks.
The one difference here is that I have moved through and beyond the dark hole of self-blame (although I was there for an extraordinarily long and desperately sad time). You need to know that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Our kids are just unlucky enough to have the combination of a few personality and life factors that make them more susceptible to this mass delusion about gender and the necessity of medicalisation. There is more in our culture that supports it than allows the questioning of it, and they are too young to have the critical thinking skills to work through it.
The centre-left political and media systems have let us down, so that only the extreme right and radical feminist left are fighting our fight, and they are too easily dismissed by the uninformed and ill-informed masses for being "bigots" and "transphobic". We need more voices of parents like us contacting the media and challenging the schools from the place of love and concern that we have for our children. We need to start quiet conversations with friends and family about what is going on - many are simply unaware.
I was surprised, when I explained my tears to teachers at the PT interviews (that the trans identity was a rapid change at a time of trauma, and how much grief it causes me as a parent), that many of them were sympathetic and reverted immediately to using my child's birth name and "she/her" pronouns for the rest of the meeting. More people understand than they are willing to admit publicly, especially if they are parents themselves.
OMG... this is turning into an essay.....! I'll stop.
Sending love, strength and hugs to all of my fellow, grieving parents.
How interesting that her ID as TRans didn't SAVE her. It ruined her. POINT people. SEe the truth through your radical upper class, CIS, white guilt. REflection to all of you that are calling parents names. That is weak. I am sending you lots of hugs and strength to stay strong to what you know is true for your daughter. I will someday scream this publicly.
I might one day... At the moment, I'm too busy writing stuff for the job I'd lose if my name was ever attached to writing gender-critical articles online!! Yikes.
Thanks for your essay here--I'm so pleased the teachers were happy to accommodate your "special pronouns and name" request. I think you're right--way more people see what's happening than believe they can say something, or ask a question, or even push back. But the teachers you write of here--surely they can see the decline in mental health and academic achievement that has followed in the wake of their "affirmation" approach. I bet a number of them are questioning their own involvement in this madness.
You were very brave to bring this to the teachers, but I think your experience is indicative. We have to be more confident in coming out as skeptics! When we do, we give others permission to ask, push back, resist.
This is a damaging, family-destroying cult, like all cults. I think your small act of resistance might light the way for others to do the same.
Yep - It's the small acts of resistance that have the most power at the moment... giving people permission to open up the conversation outside the polarised online political and media hysteria (and I use that word deliberately, as an example of another mass-delusion based on gender and pseudo-science/medicine). I keep the gentle conversations going because I'm sick of debate being silenced.
Early on in the piece I spoke to one friend about my concerns around my daughter's rapid trans obsession. A week later, the friend came to my house and said, "I just have to tell you that I HEAR YOU. I didn't really understand or listen to what you were saying last week, but I did some research and I have to tell you, I HEAR what you are saying." It meant so much, and gave me hope that others might be open to learning more if they are made aware of the emotional and physical impacts that the media are not covering.
I haven't had the same reaction from my (childless) young adult nieces, who "correct" my "misgendering" of my own child, but my siblings and close friends are very aware of the complexities that I'm dealing with and are hugely sympathetic. The social contagion is such, that I have several friends from the school community dealing with the same issue - some more affirming than others, but all are terrified about medicalisation.
It doesn't take much to peak people, and you're doing it. Who was it who said crowds go mad all at the same time, and individuals only recover their senses slowly, one by one? I'm so glad you have at least one friend in your corner. If you reach out and speak honestly about what you're seeing and experiencing, I'm sure you will find many, many more. I did!
Yes, I'm experiencing more understanding, the more I speak about it. And I'm working on pulling people out of this madness, one conversation at a time.
Your point that your young adult nieces are not mothers is really important, although it must be infuriating to be scolded like you're some kind of reprobate when talking about your own daughter. I think this is why a lot of young adults--and childless older adults--might be prey to the magical thinking of trans, whereas parents who have even elementary-aged children have already seen how their children cycle through stages and interests, and have a front-row seat of children's magical thinking.
Increasingly I've been thinking about why trans-ID found such fertile ground in academia, and I've come to the conclusion that academics just aren't living lives like most normies in that they have way fewer children than most people--especially academic women, who have become the biggest cheerleaders for trans nonsense. When academics can't see the world or use language like normal people, it's a big problem--for academia especially, but really for all of us. But academia needs to start asking: why should people entrust their money or their children to these weird priests?
Yes - the childless aspect is key. The lived experience of motherhood makes a massive difference to the understanding of children's development generally, as well as the intimate knowledge of our own children's personalities and history.
And yes - as someone who works in academia, I'm one of the few mothers (and most of us only have one child). I think your point is valid to a certain extent, and there is the added layer of FEAR of opening up discussion. Academics are being silenced by the fear of backlash/cancellation from the students and media (ie. Kathleen Stock, Holly Lawford-Smith et al) and the fear of losing their jobs if they squeak in the wrong direction. I have had quiet conversations with colleagues about exactly that, and many of us are wondering how the hell we got to this point.
just another mom who totally relates. We just went through the exact same thing on my daughter's sixteenth birthday last week: all her friends happily sang my daughter's chosen name while my husband and I just looked at each other over the flickering candle, holding a silent, heartbroken beat. thank you for your story. please let there be strength in our numbers.
My eyes filled with tears reading your story. I HATE the liars and the thief's who are doing this to your daughters, and to all the other children and teens these parents are writing about here. Just like pedophiles, the groomers are preying on the innocent, and gathering their victims. One by one, stealing their identities and filling their heads with false ideology. I HATE the word “trans”and now I have come to resent the rainbow flag and colors. I supported the lesbians and gays that I know and do not judge them for who they choose to love. But the “T” has no place in the gay alphabet. The “T” stands for Thief and Tragedy and Torn-apart families. I will continue to pray. I will continue to support all of you.
I know quite a few gays, however, I think that many children today, particularly girls who are heterosexual, are experimenting with same gender sex so they can join the cult. I'm dreading June - Pride month.....
I no longer support any part of the alphabet agenda. My daughter is in a relationship with a woman, although I have my doubts about the nature of the relationship. They are basically 2 middle-aged women who live together with their cats - it's almost a parody stereotype. The alphabet agenda is more and more dedicated to substituting a life-destroying parody for a real relationship. Although my UU church is pro-alphabet, I am not.
This is so much like our story. The day my 17 year old daughter told me she wanted top surgery and her 14 year old sister said, yeah, me too, I just wanted the ground open beneath me and swallow me whole. What an utter failure - that’s how I felt. How could I - an open-minded, gender non-conforming mum, raise TWO kids who believe they can change sex and want to permanently harm their healthy bodies? I just wanted to get in my car and drive off into the blue.
Luckily, the older one (now 18) is at University in our same city and lives at home. We rowed back on the new names and pronouns, we said we had to look after our own mental health and the constant cognitive dissonance of compelled pronouns was risking our sanity. I’ve invested heavily in extra curricular activities; horse riding, fencing lessons, singing lessons, drama classes, in lieu of therapy. We’ve told them both that we support them in every way to make them healthy and independent but not in anything that we deem harmful to their future selves. In the meantime I’m hoping the tide will turn in the mainstream media and this damaging cult will be exposed for what it is.
I think that immersing in the natural world is a good thing. There is truth in nature. Horses are real. Singing is real. Singing is not possible as the altered sex. I am a man, who sings in the bass-baritone range, but can also sing falsetto. That does not make me a woman. That makes me a man who has worked to expand his singing range.
Went through this 4 years ago & our daughter desisted. The advice we got from her therapist--thankfully NOT an inductee of the Gender Cult--was, don't give in on the name or pronouns, but don't argue with her and don't antagonize her by using her name and/or female pronouns. In short, don't piss her off but give her space to find herself and become herself.
As a result: there was an unprecedented use in our household of the second person. We also called her by pet nicknames we hadn't used so regularly since she was a preschooler--but that's the thing about the trans cult: it's essentially a childish fantasy. So many of the children caught up in it--and not a few of the adults--are immature in the extreme. But, she tolerated the nicknames and all the you-ing we had to do. I think something in her wanted us to create a backstop or barrier for this new fascination, which was very much driven by peer pressure/inducements at her new high school, and not online communities.
After 4 months she desisted entirely, and--very bravely in my view--went back to school a few months later having to re-introduce herself as a girl named (birth name.) Even as a 15-year old the following year, she said to me, "thank you for not affirming me, and thank you for not letting me take medical steps." She's happy the way she is, now a college student with one successful year under her belt.
But I can't tell you the tears of relief and joy I cried when we could call her HER, and (birth name) again.
thank you for this! I just started caving to one of our compromised nicknames and they/them pronouns. your comment has me ready to explore your approach now. i'm so happy for you and your family. I can only imagine your relief. all best!
I think it's encouraging that you've negotiated a deal--which shows that you've got communication and a child who's willing to hear you out. They/them isn't such a bad halfway, although it's devilishly difficult to remember to say. It might be easier for you to just avoid the pronouns entirely.
you know what, you're right, and I forget it due to the fear of how badly it could go in the future. thank you for reminding me to consolidate my gains. all the best!
You've captured so much here - and so many of us have had similar experiences. Abandoning the name has been very very hard for me. I now use the "new" name but it really isn't an actual name, more of a nickname. And I just try and avoid pronouns altogether. We have been in this situation for probably close to 7 years and it has caused so much damage - to everyone in our family. My daughter is 22 now and seems to be emerging from the dark depressive place she has dwelled for these past few years. I wish there were an easier off-ramp for these kids who get caught up in this cycle. It seems like once they fall down this rabbit hole it is YEARS until they (hopefully) emerge on the other side. I just shake my head in disbelief at the damage being wrought. The scope and scale is just staggering to think about. I feel for you - see you, hear you, deeply understand what you're going through. Thanks for writing this - so well done.
we must be in a parallel universe. How did you get into my head? How did you see into my life? When will this madness end? for us for our kids, for this generation of young people. Big pharma has been grooming us for a long time, and they found a way to market directly to our children. Everyone is looking for the easy fix. Seems we are living in hedonistic times and the main people that benefit are big tech, big pharma, and the medical industrialized complex. I sometimes feel like a yoyo between anger and despair, all while trying to maintain some sense of normalcy.
The worst is this isn’t from her. She’s reacting perfectly to the ideology presented to her over and over and over on our own schools and social media. Such a scary time! I feel for you so so much and it hasn’t even happened to me as a parent yet.
These kids have been led astray. How do we stop this?
I totally relate, except my son wants to be a female. It's sickening what he's done to his body. He's 24 right now, this started via a cross dress day at the high school.
Dear mom, my heart is full of empathy to you. 14 was the worst age for girls. Please draw firm boundaries and explain why. You are the guard rail for your child. Maybe this trans bomb is a cry for attention from you. Stay strong, draw boundaries, fight this belief system. It popped up in the last 5 minutes of human history. It's based on a personal belief. It affects autistic, or mentally ill, or traumatized or future LGB youth. Things will get better, I PROMISE you. After 1 year of utter hell (2020), 2021 was a little better, and this year my daughter shops for pretty clothes at the women's section. The only concession I made was to use the new name. Never the wrong pronouns. Every time an unreasonable demand was made, I pushed back (e.g., the old pictures stayed on the wall). We ran away from her friends, school, everything. The friends were the ones spreading this mind plague to each other. I got her pets and she also volunteers in a farm. Something to make her feel useful. Sending you all my positive energy. Stay strong, don't capitulate in the face of this lunacy. You are your child's guard rail.
I think connection to real things is important. Start a garden. Get daughters AND sons to help with small children with the understanding that nothing be said to confuse the little persons. Be in nature. Minimize internet stuff, and NOTHING IN THE BEDROOM.
Tears are running down my face. I have so much empathy for you. My beloved grandchildren are going through the same gender/sexual confusion. I only pray that time will heal their minds and mend your heart.
I have so much respect and sympathy for you and all affected parents who pour their hearts out into these writings. I wish there was something more I can do than to send virtual hugs and say, "I hear you. So many of us hear you. You are not wrong. You are not alone. We are trying to turn this around."
This cult has destroyed any trust I still had in the media and government.
Sharing our burdens helps. This cult also destroyed my ability to trust government. There are a few champions in British Parliament. MP Miriam Cates gave an excellent speech showing she understands
I am so sorry. It sounds like you really, really want to tell her things, but I'm not seeing any sign that you want to listen to her . You won't get anywhere with her until you can listen without judgement. I know it's really hard to do that.
Tick, tick, tick... yes... another carbon copy of that list of experiences and emotions, and I want to give you a massive hug.
Five years in, I still can't bring myself to use my child's preferred name or pronouns. I have learned to convolute sentences and communication methods to avoid pronouns altogether, and only use pet names like "darling" and "babe" (or "the teen" if talking about her) instead of her name. I burst into tears at PT interviews recently, when they talked about my "son" and how "he" (a once bright and engaged girl) is once again, failing at high school. I look at my once-strong, straight and talented gymnast - so proud of what her body could DO!! - and see a starved, scarred and hunched shadow... and my heart breaks.
The one difference here is that I have moved through and beyond the dark hole of self-blame (although I was there for an extraordinarily long and desperately sad time). You need to know that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Our kids are just unlucky enough to have the combination of a few personality and life factors that make them more susceptible to this mass delusion about gender and the necessity of medicalisation. There is more in our culture that supports it than allows the questioning of it, and they are too young to have the critical thinking skills to work through it.
The centre-left political and media systems have let us down, so that only the extreme right and radical feminist left are fighting our fight, and they are too easily dismissed by the uninformed and ill-informed masses for being "bigots" and "transphobic". We need more voices of parents like us contacting the media and challenging the schools from the place of love and concern that we have for our children. We need to start quiet conversations with friends and family about what is going on - many are simply unaware.
I was surprised, when I explained my tears to teachers at the PT interviews (that the trans identity was a rapid change at a time of trauma, and how much grief it causes me as a parent), that many of them were sympathetic and reverted immediately to using my child's birth name and "she/her" pronouns for the rest of the meeting. More people understand than they are willing to admit publicly, especially if they are parents themselves.
OMG... this is turning into an essay.....! I'll stop.
Sending love, strength and hugs to all of my fellow, grieving parents.
How interesting that her ID as TRans didn't SAVE her. It ruined her. POINT people. SEe the truth through your radical upper class, CIS, white guilt. REflection to all of you that are calling parents names. That is weak. I am sending you lots of hugs and strength to stay strong to what you know is true for your daughter. I will someday scream this publicly.
Yeah, why not write a piece for PITT as an essay?
I might one day... At the moment, I'm too busy writing stuff for the job I'd lose if my name was ever attached to writing gender-critical articles online!! Yikes.
So with you.
Yeah, I really understand. Best to write under a pseudonym. That way, you can tell the truth.
Thanks for your essay here--I'm so pleased the teachers were happy to accommodate your "special pronouns and name" request. I think you're right--way more people see what's happening than believe they can say something, or ask a question, or even push back. But the teachers you write of here--surely they can see the decline in mental health and academic achievement that has followed in the wake of their "affirmation" approach. I bet a number of them are questioning their own involvement in this madness.
You were very brave to bring this to the teachers, but I think your experience is indicative. We have to be more confident in coming out as skeptics! When we do, we give others permission to ask, push back, resist.
This is a damaging, family-destroying cult, like all cults. I think your small act of resistance might light the way for others to do the same.
Yep - It's the small acts of resistance that have the most power at the moment... giving people permission to open up the conversation outside the polarised online political and media hysteria (and I use that word deliberately, as an example of another mass-delusion based on gender and pseudo-science/medicine). I keep the gentle conversations going because I'm sick of debate being silenced.
Early on in the piece I spoke to one friend about my concerns around my daughter's rapid trans obsession. A week later, the friend came to my house and said, "I just have to tell you that I HEAR YOU. I didn't really understand or listen to what you were saying last week, but I did some research and I have to tell you, I HEAR what you are saying." It meant so much, and gave me hope that others might be open to learning more if they are made aware of the emotional and physical impacts that the media are not covering.
I haven't had the same reaction from my (childless) young adult nieces, who "correct" my "misgendering" of my own child, but my siblings and close friends are very aware of the complexities that I'm dealing with and are hugely sympathetic. The social contagion is such, that I have several friends from the school community dealing with the same issue - some more affirming than others, but all are terrified about medicalisation.
It doesn't take much to peak people, and you're doing it. Who was it who said crowds go mad all at the same time, and individuals only recover their senses slowly, one by one? I'm so glad you have at least one friend in your corner. If you reach out and speak honestly about what you're seeing and experiencing, I'm sure you will find many, many more. I did!
Yes, I'm experiencing more understanding, the more I speak about it. And I'm working on pulling people out of this madness, one conversation at a time.
Your point that your young adult nieces are not mothers is really important, although it must be infuriating to be scolded like you're some kind of reprobate when talking about your own daughter. I think this is why a lot of young adults--and childless older adults--might be prey to the magical thinking of trans, whereas parents who have even elementary-aged children have already seen how their children cycle through stages and interests, and have a front-row seat of children's magical thinking.
Increasingly I've been thinking about why trans-ID found such fertile ground in academia, and I've come to the conclusion that academics just aren't living lives like most normies in that they have way fewer children than most people--especially academic women, who have become the biggest cheerleaders for trans nonsense. When academics can't see the world or use language like normal people, it's a big problem--for academia especially, but really for all of us. But academia needs to start asking: why should people entrust their money or their children to these weird priests?
Yes - the childless aspect is key. The lived experience of motherhood makes a massive difference to the understanding of children's development generally, as well as the intimate knowledge of our own children's personalities and history.
And yes - as someone who works in academia, I'm one of the few mothers (and most of us only have one child). I think your point is valid to a certain extent, and there is the added layer of FEAR of opening up discussion. Academics are being silenced by the fear of backlash/cancellation from the students and media (ie. Kathleen Stock, Holly Lawford-Smith et al) and the fear of losing their jobs if they squeak in the wrong direction. I have had quiet conversations with colleagues about exactly that, and many of us are wondering how the hell we got to this point.
just another mom who totally relates. We just went through the exact same thing on my daughter's sixteenth birthday last week: all her friends happily sang my daughter's chosen name while my husband and I just looked at each other over the flickering candle, holding a silent, heartbroken beat. thank you for your story. please let there be strength in our numbers.
My eyes filled with tears reading your story. I HATE the liars and the thief's who are doing this to your daughters, and to all the other children and teens these parents are writing about here. Just like pedophiles, the groomers are preying on the innocent, and gathering their victims. One by one, stealing their identities and filling their heads with false ideology. I HATE the word “trans”and now I have come to resent the rainbow flag and colors. I supported the lesbians and gays that I know and do not judge them for who they choose to love. But the “T” has no place in the gay alphabet. The “T” stands for Thief and Tragedy and Torn-apart families. I will continue to pray. I will continue to support all of you.
I know quite a few gays, however, I think that many children today, particularly girls who are heterosexual, are experimenting with same gender sex so they can join the cult. I'm dreading June - Pride month.....
I no longer support any part of the alphabet agenda. My daughter is in a relationship with a woman, although I have my doubts about the nature of the relationship. They are basically 2 middle-aged women who live together with their cats - it's almost a parody stereotype. The alphabet agenda is more and more dedicated to substituting a life-destroying parody for a real relationship. Although my UU church is pro-alphabet, I am not.
I am dreading it too…
This is so much like our story. The day my 17 year old daughter told me she wanted top surgery and her 14 year old sister said, yeah, me too, I just wanted the ground open beneath me and swallow me whole. What an utter failure - that’s how I felt. How could I - an open-minded, gender non-conforming mum, raise TWO kids who believe they can change sex and want to permanently harm their healthy bodies? I just wanted to get in my car and drive off into the blue.
Please do hold the line. I would explore holding off on college for a year or so.
Luckily, the older one (now 18) is at University in our same city and lives at home. We rowed back on the new names and pronouns, we said we had to look after our own mental health and the constant cognitive dissonance of compelled pronouns was risking our sanity. I’ve invested heavily in extra curricular activities; horse riding, fencing lessons, singing lessons, drama classes, in lieu of therapy. We’ve told them both that we support them in every way to make them healthy and independent but not in anything that we deem harmful to their future selves. In the meantime I’m hoping the tide will turn in the mainstream media and this damaging cult will be exposed for what it is.
I think that immersing in the natural world is a good thing. There is truth in nature. Horses are real. Singing is real. Singing is not possible as the altered sex. I am a man, who sings in the bass-baritone range, but can also sing falsetto. That does not make me a woman. That makes me a man who has worked to expand his singing range.
(PS I didn’t drive off. I stayed and I fought and I’m holding back the tide as best I can.)
Your poor son too. The damage spreads so far.
Exactly
Went through this 4 years ago & our daughter desisted. The advice we got from her therapist--thankfully NOT an inductee of the Gender Cult--was, don't give in on the name or pronouns, but don't argue with her and don't antagonize her by using her name and/or female pronouns. In short, don't piss her off but give her space to find herself and become herself.
As a result: there was an unprecedented use in our household of the second person. We also called her by pet nicknames we hadn't used so regularly since she was a preschooler--but that's the thing about the trans cult: it's essentially a childish fantasy. So many of the children caught up in it--and not a few of the adults--are immature in the extreme. But, she tolerated the nicknames and all the you-ing we had to do. I think something in her wanted us to create a backstop or barrier for this new fascination, which was very much driven by peer pressure/inducements at her new high school, and not online communities.
After 4 months she desisted entirely, and--very bravely in my view--went back to school a few months later having to re-introduce herself as a girl named (birth name.) Even as a 15-year old the following year, she said to me, "thank you for not affirming me, and thank you for not letting me take medical steps." She's happy the way she is, now a college student with one successful year under her belt.
But I can't tell you the tears of relief and joy I cried when we could call her HER, and (birth name) again.
👏🏻👏🏻 So happy for you and your family for surviving this.
thank you for this! I just started caving to one of our compromised nicknames and they/them pronouns. your comment has me ready to explore your approach now. i'm so happy for you and your family. I can only imagine your relief. all best!
I think it's encouraging that you've negotiated a deal--which shows that you've got communication and a child who's willing to hear you out. They/them isn't such a bad halfway, although it's devilishly difficult to remember to say. It might be easier for you to just avoid the pronouns entirely.
you know what, you're right, and I forget it due to the fear of how badly it could go in the future. thank you for reminding me to consolidate my gains. all the best!
You've captured so much here - and so many of us have had similar experiences. Abandoning the name has been very very hard for me. I now use the "new" name but it really isn't an actual name, more of a nickname. And I just try and avoid pronouns altogether. We have been in this situation for probably close to 7 years and it has caused so much damage - to everyone in our family. My daughter is 22 now and seems to be emerging from the dark depressive place she has dwelled for these past few years. I wish there were an easier off-ramp for these kids who get caught up in this cycle. It seems like once they fall down this rabbit hole it is YEARS until they (hopefully) emerge on the other side. I just shake my head in disbelief at the damage being wrought. The scope and scale is just staggering to think about. I feel for you - see you, hear you, deeply understand what you're going through. Thanks for writing this - so well done.
so awful I'm sorry. Xx
we must be in a parallel universe. How did you get into my head? How did you see into my life? When will this madness end? for us for our kids, for this generation of young people. Big pharma has been grooming us for a long time, and they found a way to market directly to our children. Everyone is looking for the easy fix. Seems we are living in hedonistic times and the main people that benefit are big tech, big pharma, and the medical industrialized complex. I sometimes feel like a yoyo between anger and despair, all while trying to maintain some sense of normalcy.