Will the Contagion Pass on to the Next Generation?
I have been engrossed for over eight years in my son’s transgender identity. The pain is very real for us parents. Many words have flowed from me, other parents, mental health professionals and allies who get it. Words like loss, grief, mourning, confusion, sadness, isolation, distress, etc. Like many of the parents with which I share this misery, the pain remains for years. It never goes away. It just gets commonplace in life. The heavy sadness becomes your shadow. You learn ways to numb the pain in order to function and go on with routines of life.
As I continue to struggle, I face a new act in this melodrama. I was recently blessed with grandchildren. My trans identifying son’s older siblings now have children. How will all this be handled with them? Will their uncle be referred to as their aunt? How will this be explained to their young impressionable minds? Will the gender ideology virus be passed to another generation in my family? This thought terrifies me.
This unhealthy ideology may warp the innocent minds of my grandchildren. Injecting the idea that their parents’ younger brother is to be referred to as a woman is beyond confusing for a young child. Will this trans virus be reinforced in the greater world as it has been for more than a decade now? Since youngsters naturally believe what their parents tell them in the early years, I wonder if this ideology will be imprinted on their impressionable minds? It feels as if my sweet young grandchildren are being set up for more of this nightmare. My instinct to protect them will be in direct conflict with how my children want to parent. Just introducing my son to them as their aunt will have a strong impact on how they think. It is a great affront to the natural innocence of young children. This takes an already very difficult situation to a new level.
I worry about what they will think of themselves in a few years. Little children that go to daycare or start preschool at age three are being exposed to these ideas. In addition, gender confusion is ubiquitous on the internet, children’s TV programs and story time at the local library. Will this new generation get indoctrinated at an even younger age than my kids were? How do we undo these ideas once implanted in my grandkid’s minds? It is so concerning. The trans agenda is already infecting the next generation.
How can I handle this psychologically? I now have even more eggshells to walk on. Listening to my other kids refer to their younger brother with his new legal, female name is quite distressing. Having his older sister and brother-in-law (both of whom he admires) affirm his delusion is already heartbreaking for me. But their son doing the same is even worse. Moving this mass hysteria into the next generation of my family feels almost unbearable. This is another big step in erasing my son. Certainly, it is a big step toward rewriting my family history.
I have struggled through these awful years to hang onto my son’s existence in my own mind. Despite his appearance, name change, and affirmation from those around him I have been able to hold onto a sliver of the boy I raised. I am so scared that the sliver will slip away and the hole in my life, in the shape of my son will widen. I should be able to enjoy my precious grandchildren without sadness and resentment. If they are forced by their parents to refer to my son with his trans identity then I’m in a situation where being with them becomes painful. How sad is that?
In addition to all the family dynamics around my grandchildren’s uncle there is one more complicating factor. There is something quite melancholy about being a grandparent. Yes, of course, it is a joyful experience. But it is a sharp, poignant reminder of how fast time goes by. You vividly recall your own experience as a new, naive, scared mother. You remember wanting the best for the little person you brought into the world. Well, the best hasn’t worked out for my third child. The little boy I nurtured for over two decades never grew up to accept himself. I fear this is about to be reinforced by my youngest family members.
It is crushing! Our son asked us to tell his niece that he was now her aunt. My response was “pigs will fly before we tell a 3 year old that her uncle is now her aunt.” Pigs didn’t fly and she doesn’t know. Her mother agreed with us 100%. He abandoned us all. My granddaughter has been broken and traumatized by her beloved uncle’s abandonment. But she still hasn’t encountered an insane world of gender bending madness. One day, when she’s mature enough to understand mental illness, she will know what happened to her uncle. But until that day we want to protect her innocence. P.S. she’s now in elementary school and homeschooled by me. I’ve given up my retirement to be her teacher.
With great sadness, I know exactly how you feel and am feeling such severe pain and loss from my young adult son who’s been transitioning the last 5 years. I’m not sure if he’s done the surgery yet (and I don’t want to know cause honestly I’m not sure I am strong enough to know). He won’t have anything to do with me even though I would still like to be in his life and spend time with him but not on his terms. With a bit of compromise that I won’t call him he/him or his birth name but I also won’t call him she/her or his new name. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. As a loving and dedicated mother who sacrificed everything raising this child, I am completely devastated and feel like I’ve lost him to an evil ideology that is harming him in so many ways. My daughter though is kind enough when she’s around me, to call him by his birth name even though I know she goes along with it in his presence. I too, worry about the following generations and where all this exposure to so many trans people who have been manipulated and haven’t been able to except their true selves so in turn they believe that this will be the miracle, the answer, or the cure to all their problems, when it’s only going to bring on a slew of many more problems most importantly including dangerous side effects and severe health problems. This isn’t how I ever saw his once promising future. He had everything going for him and now he has dropped out of college, feels lonely and still seems to be searching for something more. I hate to think about how much of his life he will spend (time and money) on trying to transition to “be” a woman, which he never ever will be, and the harm that will entail. My heart is broken, completely shattered but I keep going for my daughter, and I mourn his decision to do this every single day since he announced it. I am so sorry that these people who make this dangerous and devastating life altering decision feel so much pain and conflict, and can’t find the peace and acceptance they need to feel complete. But I know 100%, that this isn’t going to heal them. And I’m so very sorry and feel so much empathy for all the family members and friends who feel this loss, pain, and have to mourn everyday for their loved one who is self harming and suffering. May we all find peace and find a way out of these dangerous waters. For now, let’s keep our head up above those waters and stay positive that this too shall pass. Take care and keep fighting.