Is it even possible to stop loving one’s child? Is that what has happened to me now? From the depths of a sadness I have never felt before, not even after I lost my father and lost myself for many years. Now I just feel numb. These last 18 months have been the worst grief. Even more than the last five years when she mentally spiraled down into depression. As she has been pulled into thinking her life would be so much better if the world saw her “as a guy”, she has pulled our family apart. Her younger brother who has always adored her (she used to dress him up in her princess and fairy dresses for fun) screams at his parents to call her his brother. He tells us we are mean people because we don’t affirm her. He drives her to pick up testosterone when she is home from college. I let them walk all over me because I can’t stand more tension. I just let them do it because I cannot feel anymore.
Has anyone cut off insurance to loved one due to using it for hormones? Our son is on my insurance he behind our backs decided he’d start taking hormones he told us 10 months into using them what he decided to do with his body
Then, like me, you switch off and become almost catatonic and give up... yes, I think it's self preservation, becaue those previous reactions dry you up especially when you realise the one you love and are fighting for is completely brainwashed and nothing you do is going in
I hear your pain and your torment. This is so twisted and manipulative. And ours is called disenfranchised grief. It is not recognised by society. Worse us 'non-affirmers' are treated as bigots, bullies and troublemakers, often by our own families as you describe. Please know you are not alone. Many many parents are going through this. Sending much love
You gotta trust in the upbringing you gave her, and ask God to give her the nudge.
I have a brother who spent 30 years in severe alcoholism -- all that time, he was never homeless or without a job, because my parents had raised a man who could survive even his best attempts to sabotage himself. Even when his place of work closed, there were employers lining up to hire him.
He's four years sober now and flourishing beyond what I could have dreamed was possible, but it was a long road.
You clearly love your daughter, so I firmly believe you gave her what it'll take to survive this. After our kids become adults, our job isn't to save them from themselves. It's to be a lighthouse for them to navigate by. Sometimes it can be incredibly painful, but keep on loving her, and show her you'll be there to the extent that she will let you.
Heartbreaking. I pray for all those caught up in this dystopian nightmare ,and all the deluded victims who are in the grip of this evil cult. God Bless ,all.🙏🙏🙏💔💔💔
I can relate. I lost my mom (dad's been gone for decades) 4 years ago and endured a world of torture in the process, due to the evil man she lived with. It caused me extreme pain and PTSD. My now "trans" daughter was often alone with me to witness an Covid lockdown hit a few months later. She was isolated and I was already traumatized. All this stress might be what sent her diving into the cult. She announced "trans" 2 years later. And now I feel mostly numb about it all. She's been identifying this way a little over 2 years and looks a mess. I'll never get to hear her beautiful voice again! That really makes me feel again. Looks can somewhat be restored someday. Numbness is definitely a coping mechanism to save ourselves. It's okay. Give yourself permission to feel numb about this nonsense, rather than feed their deranged fire! And I hope that soon you will find something better to be passionate about! 🙏
Thank you so much for sharing. This helps me feel good because my ex cut his son off right away.
I never have sent him stuff to read but just told him we are going to agree to disagree and I love him. So it’s a on again, off again relationship but I leave him along.
I do send him a text every now and then to make sure he knows I love him and I’m here but don’t bring up. We went over the holidays not seeing or taking which breaks my heart but he needs to hear the silence 🤫 I think to understand that none of his family approved. I hope and pray for the day he calls asking me for help. I’ll be more than ready to open my army and let him back in. He truly has depression and anxiety and needs counseling to learn to him love himself. I just our Dear Lord knows what he’s doing.
I’m listening to detrans people who are telling me to keep my distance, keep in touch, because deep down they know I love them and they’ll figure it out on their own that this isn’t working and be glad I was honest and didn’t buy in to it.
My goodness, my heart aches for all of you going through this. I have people close to me who have had their children transition, and while they were very upset at first, they seem now to be just fine. I wonder, though, if inside they are grieving so very much.
How could they be “just fine”? Maybe they are numb too, able to pretend socially. Being “trans” is just a pretence, a lie, so maybe the parents copy their children as a coping mechanism.
"Just fine" on the outside only, to protect ourselves from the hateful world who wants to "Be Kind"! They attack, cut us off and block us, yet they call us the haters. Some were best friends and family members. The only way to survive for now is to appear "just fine".
I cannot imagine a parent being "just fine"after their child succumbs to grotesque self-harm. Massive denial? Complacency with the trans cult? Anxiety about ostracism? Or, perhaps to sidestep estrangement, which I do understand. It's a devastating dilemma no parent should face. When will our sick culture wake up from this mass psychosis and stomp out this evil, heinous malpractice??
I agree that no caring parent could be really “just fine” seeing their child succumb to grotesque self harm. I seriously am concerned about the mental health of these parents pretending to be fine when really they are not. Denial on a massive scale is affecting society. Numbness is not the best coping mechanism. Grieving is healthy. Thanks to you lovely parents for sharing real feelings of grief.
There is a difference between love and trust. I will always love my lost child, but if she decides to come back into our lives, I certainly will not be able to trust her the same way again.
True, a person who gives their whole selves over to a big lie, then proceeds to embrace lies as a lifestyle, can never be trusted again. Detransitioning involves abandoning those lies and facing realities. Very tough. It would take a while for a parent to trust again. As long as my child is a “trannie” I would not trust her. Her speech is expedient rather that’s honest. Of course, if one is female and declaring to the world one is male, people would wonder what other lies this person is telling.
It is common knowledge that trannies cannot be trusted. They lie constantly, especially to themselves. Sad when they were once honest...I doubt I'll ever trust mine again either but will always love her as my daughter.
I willpray for you. My son left after a fight with us when he was 17. He's been in the cult for 5 years. I still cry most days. Numb on the days I don't cry.
We all cope in whatever way we know how. You are in survival mode - whatever it takes you do, so long as you're staying healthy for YOU and your marriage - which is exactly what you are doing.
Wishing you strength. So many of us share in your pain.
Has anyone cut off insurance to loved one due to using it for hormones? Our son is on my insurance he behind our backs decided he’d start taking hormones he told us 10 months into using them what he decided to do with his body
We can only take her off during open enrollment. We did tell her it will be out of her pocket, but that is all we can do.
You fight! You fight! You fight! Until you can't fight anymore.
You love... beg.... plea.... shout.... sob.... argue.... debate.... manipulate.... orchestrate.... research... pray..... hope.... curse.... cry
....
TILL YOU CANT CRY ANYMORE.....
Then, like me, you switch off and become almost catatonic and give up... yes, I think it's self preservation, becaue those previous reactions dry you up especially when you realise the one you love and are fighting for is completely brainwashed and nothing you do is going in
I hear your pain and your torment. This is so twisted and manipulative. And ours is called disenfranchised grief. It is not recognised by society. Worse us 'non-affirmers' are treated as bigots, bullies and troublemakers, often by our own families as you describe. Please know you are not alone. Many many parents are going through this. Sending much love
You gotta trust in the upbringing you gave her, and ask God to give her the nudge.
I have a brother who spent 30 years in severe alcoholism -- all that time, he was never homeless or without a job, because my parents had raised a man who could survive even his best attempts to sabotage himself. Even when his place of work closed, there were employers lining up to hire him.
He's four years sober now and flourishing beyond what I could have dreamed was possible, but it was a long road.
You clearly love your daughter, so I firmly believe you gave her what it'll take to survive this. After our kids become adults, our job isn't to save them from themselves. It's to be a lighthouse for them to navigate by. Sometimes it can be incredibly painful, but keep on loving her, and show her you'll be there to the extent that she will let you.
Heartbreaking. I pray for all those caught up in this dystopian nightmare ,and all the deluded victims who are in the grip of this evil cult. God Bless ,all.🙏🙏🙏💔💔💔
Someday these children will look back at their terrible behavior and be ashamed of themselves for how they treated their parents.
I get it Terri. I’m so sorry.
I can relate. I lost my mom (dad's been gone for decades) 4 years ago and endured a world of torture in the process, due to the evil man she lived with. It caused me extreme pain and PTSD. My now "trans" daughter was often alone with me to witness an Covid lockdown hit a few months later. She was isolated and I was already traumatized. All this stress might be what sent her diving into the cult. She announced "trans" 2 years later. And now I feel mostly numb about it all. She's been identifying this way a little over 2 years and looks a mess. I'll never get to hear her beautiful voice again! That really makes me feel again. Looks can somewhat be restored someday. Numbness is definitely a coping mechanism to save ourselves. It's okay. Give yourself permission to feel numb about this nonsense, rather than feed their deranged fire! And I hope that soon you will find something better to be passionate about! 🙏
Thank you so much for sharing. This helps me feel good because my ex cut his son off right away.
I never have sent him stuff to read but just told him we are going to agree to disagree and I love him. So it’s a on again, off again relationship but I leave him along.
I do send him a text every now and then to make sure he knows I love him and I’m here but don’t bring up. We went over the holidays not seeing or taking which breaks my heart but he needs to hear the silence 🤫 I think to understand that none of his family approved. I hope and pray for the day he calls asking me for help. I’ll be more than ready to open my army and let him back in. He truly has depression and anxiety and needs counseling to learn to him love himself. I just our Dear Lord knows what he’s doing.
I’m listening to detrans people who are telling me to keep my distance, keep in touch, because deep down they know I love them and they’ll figure it out on their own that this isn’t working and be glad I was honest and didn’t buy in to it.
You are not alone.
I feel your pain
Numbness is a coping mechanism. You didn't choose numbness.
PTSD? Possibly.
Consider seeking out warm, kind people who will openly grieve for your situation.
My goodness, my heart aches for all of you going through this. I have people close to me who have had their children transition, and while they were very upset at first, they seem now to be just fine. I wonder, though, if inside they are grieving so very much.
How could they be “just fine”? Maybe they are numb too, able to pretend socially. Being “trans” is just a pretence, a lie, so maybe the parents copy their children as a coping mechanism.
"Just fine" on the outside only, to protect ourselves from the hateful world who wants to "Be Kind"! They attack, cut us off and block us, yet they call us the haters. Some were best friends and family members. The only way to survive for now is to appear "just fine".
I cannot imagine a parent being "just fine"after their child succumbs to grotesque self-harm. Massive denial? Complacency with the trans cult? Anxiety about ostracism? Or, perhaps to sidestep estrangement, which I do understand. It's a devastating dilemma no parent should face. When will our sick culture wake up from this mass psychosis and stomp out this evil, heinous malpractice??
I agree that no caring parent could be really “just fine” seeing their child succumb to grotesque self harm. I seriously am concerned about the mental health of these parents pretending to be fine when really they are not. Denial on a massive scale is affecting society. Numbness is not the best coping mechanism. Grieving is healthy. Thanks to you lovely parents for sharing real feelings of grief.
It's probably a combination of all of those.
This hits home. I worry I'll never love my kids the same way again, even if this craze ends.
There is a difference between love and trust. I will always love my lost child, but if she decides to come back into our lives, I certainly will not be able to trust her the same way again.
True, a person who gives their whole selves over to a big lie, then proceeds to embrace lies as a lifestyle, can never be trusted again. Detransitioning involves abandoning those lies and facing realities. Very tough. It would take a while for a parent to trust again. As long as my child is a “trannie” I would not trust her. Her speech is expedient rather that’s honest. Of course, if one is female and declaring to the world one is male, people would wonder what other lies this person is telling.
It is common knowledge that trannies cannot be trusted. They lie constantly, especially to themselves. Sad when they were once honest...I doubt I'll ever trust mine again either but will always love her as my daughter.
I willpray for you. My son left after a fight with us when he was 17. He's been in the cult for 5 years. I still cry most days. Numb on the days I don't cry.
We all cope in whatever way we know how. You are in survival mode - whatever it takes you do, so long as you're staying healthy for YOU and your marriage - which is exactly what you are doing.
Wishing you strength. So many of us share in your pain.