252 Comments

Not entirely sure if I've met a trans-identifying person, it's really hard to tell what is "real," and what is supportive or performative. (At my local Jewel, an employee was wearing a name badge that had space for pronouns.Which I ignore, as I only care about person's *name* as if I'm ordering something special, and I may have to follow up.) As long as someone is just shopping I have zero problem— or interest anyone, unless there's a really cute baby in the cart.

People I have paid attention to are" men with face tattoos, as putting tattoos on your face does mean you want them to be noticed, but then, I am also *not* supposed to notice them. Last mont there was a very publicly, vocally, angry man who wandered the store for 7 minutes, complaining 'NO ONE HERE will help me." Everyone just studiously avoided him until he left.

"Is it possible to show kindness and empathy towards any trans-identifying person without affirming them?" Yes it is, and you've answered your own question, you are polite to everyone. And good for you for examining *your* own reactions, and not just fixating on his/hers/theirs.

Trans*Activists* thought clearly want to be noticed, want to challenge, want to be disruptive. I just feel so sorry for people who's job requires that they come in contact with these folks and are supposed to magically "know" how they're supposed to address them. At least I as a fellow shopper, have the luxury of ignoring them, as they deserve even less of my time.

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That young man's description could have been my son. I hope people aren't unkind to him. He is a victim of this vicious cult too. My boy was sweet, intelligent and sensitive his entire childhood and into his teens. When I started to divorce his father, he was alienated against me and my entire family.

After years of emotional abuse by his father he was a sitting duck for these predators during the pandemic. You're right. It's hard to not feel hatred toward any zealous advocates of Trans Ideology. As I tr to hold myself together through this I'll continue to see these people as victims. This is hell on earth.

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During the cult movements of the 1970s and later, we called it “love bombing” that could cause a person to do a 180 on their core beliefs in a short amount of time. My eldest, now 54, planned to trans to pretend guy. She started this journey when groomed by lesbians in a halfway house, who convinced her she was a lesbian. One day, during my visit with her as she recovered from addictions, she said to me, “Dad, I have always thought like a man.” To which I responded, “That’s interesting. I am a man and I’m not sure how a man thinks.” Immediately she turned to me, and said, “I’m a woman!” She had been planning a double-mastectomy at that time. From love bombing, to lesbian, to completely confused recovering addict, who we hope, has finally settled on being a female.

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Sep 28, 2023·edited Sep 28, 2023

Years ago, I lived in a community where many neighbors were members of a fundamentalist religious sect. When I encountered women from these groups, it was tempting to stare at their long hair and long, dowdy skirts. Most of us young women in that decade had short, spiky haircuts and wore cargo pants.

Through friendship and conversations with these women, I learned that they believed the Earth was “created” in six 24-hour days, a belief that, in my opinion, was delusional. And that was okay. As another commenter said below, in a democracy, there is room for people with different beliefs.

It can be unsettling and even painful to see people who appear to be trans-identified. It is a concrete reminder of our own fractured families, our children and family members who are estranged. That said, I think it's possible to be true to one's values while resisting the temptation to call people “evil” because of their beliefs. I hope that is the author’s point.

My trans-identified child is not “evil” – a little narcissistic and immature perhaps – but not evil. She is seeking a sense of belonging in a culture that has completely broken down, among a generation that has taken on borderline traits en masse. She is also rejecting notions of female perfection in a world where most boys have seen porn by age 10 and few women even have short haircuts anymore, because the norms for masculinity and femininity have become so extreme.

Rather than calling anyone “evil,” I think it’s important to focus on speaking out about the dangers of the ideology, which often worsens mental health, and especially the medicalization, which is doing permanent damage.

The clownish outward clothing and Strawberry Shortcake hairstyles are trivial, and in ten years’ time they will be a distant memory.

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This is an interesting post, I certainly do understand why you found the need to follow them around the store, let’s face it, they probably enjoyed it, (not dissimilar to dressed-up clowns at the circus I frequented as a child) they love the attention & relish the opportunity to “shock” others with not only freakish garb but also hair, nails, mannerisms etc. to attract attention. These “clowns” all have one thing in common (usually) they are all young, they are impressionable & follow all the social media hype regarding this gender cult nonsence, but I think at a gut level, they crave attention : LOOK AT ME, look at me, look at me........I enjoy throwing myself out there as my only way of shocking “normal, decent people”. They have a deep seated grudge against society, haven’t come to terms with their bodies, maybe have undiagnosed psyche issues & the trans/bi/queer train picks them up & now they part of a cult that hates western society. It seems to be happening in western countries only(open to correction) because in western countries indecency is now mainstream & accepted by Governments. In Nigeria, for instance, homosexuality in all its ugly forms, is against the law. This used to be the case in Western countries, look at what’s happening now. Immoral floodgates have opened.

So, the crux of where I’m going to is, when a freaky MTF or FTM or any other weirdly dressed/tattooed/purple haired “clown” approaches, just ignore. They hate being ignored, they CRAVE attention, I believe that’s at the core of their neediness.

I had a “trannie” a large fat & pimply young male with black long hair one side, shaved on the other, smile sweetly at me at the supermarket, I just flippantly thanked him with a bemused look on my face, because he looked so ridiculous, he looked like he’d stepped out of a musical audition for Peter Pan, but as an ugly stand-in. He knew it too, of course.

After reading many interesting replies, when it happens in real-time, my honest thoughts are “To Thine Own Self Be True”, which is what you did. So you followed them as your heart was breaking, you did what was right for you, then, but were they worth it? There is a certain fascination for “freaks” but the safer road to go down now that they have been allowed to infect society, simply ignore. It deflates their enormous egos leading them down the road to nowhere. Try to laugh at it too, see the humour in it & quietly laugh at their “circus seeking” get-ups, the freaky drag clothes in frightful colours, all intended to catch your eye & drag you into the slimy cult-dungeon where they are held captive.

Anyhow, it’s possibly reverse psychology at work here, these kids have made up their minds to follow the ringmasters in this sick circus, but in the audience are grieving parents watching their adult kids being charmed by the sick performance, do they cover their eyes & pray? Do they cheer & laugh at the sick performers waiting for them to return to their senses? Or, rather, get up from their seats & return home, firm in their serenity to accept the things they cannot change, courage to change the things they can & the wisdom to know the difference.

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Such an odd and contradictory article, but I too have mixed emotions about the gender ideology movement and its colorful army. I don't stare at people in public, because it's deeply embedded in my upbringing. I remember walking with my mother as a small child and starting to point at someone across the street from us. Mother gently took my hand and curled my finger back inside my palm, saying 'we don't do that'. I never pointed or stared at someone like that again.

I have interacted with several trans-identifying individuals, one of whom I see regularly. I despise what has been done to them by the groomers, the indoctrinators, and the cheerleaders who can't wait to affirm them in their confusion. I don't want to be one of them, but I am compassionate toward these people (mostly children and youth) whom I view as victims. What I have settled into is a compromise that I can live with and that I don't think will speed up what I think of as a runaway train. I use the name preferred by the trans individual, treating as just another nickname. I would do that for anyone. I treat them with care and compassion, but I avoid discussing the gender identity in public. Should this person wish to discuss their situation with me in private, I'm of course open to it. I avoid the use of pronouns when referring to them because I hate mangling the language. Rather than reward the behavior with attention, I encourage development of skills and personal strength in other dimensions. As much as possible, I ignore the matter and re-focus time and attention in healthy directions. I have been able to maintain a relationship with this person without turning myself into a pretzel or affirming what I think is inauthentic and manipulated behavior.

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I'm not sure I understand this post. You apologize and reflect that you treated him badly simply because you stared at him?? He made you feel uncomfortable, what's wrong with that, that's totally normal & honest. Trust your instincts. I wish I never waivered at all when my son declared his trans identity to me 2 years ago. Alarm bells rang all over my body and still do to this day. He's harming himself. And also, I applaud you for being a decent human being with manners, that you recognized you may have appeared rude. But quite honestly, your nephew hung up on you because you asked questions? I'm assuming it is a little more than that and there is estrangement. Isn't that a little over the top, bad mannered and rude? I don't mean to attack your nephew, but it is making me see my own experience a little more clearly. My son was the sweetest, kindest person before his announcement and we had a great relationship. That was why it was so hard to accept the evil text messages, demands & irrational, uncompromising, one sided conversations. I spent months completely baffled in disbelief at the words he would send. I'm not sure that is who I want back in my life. Complete personality change. But where there is life there is hope.

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No one is trying to make these confused into evil monsters. Many of us would like to be loving and help them to figure out why they feel uncomfortable in their own bodies. The evil monsters are the ones who swoop in and convince them to alter who they are and telling them that they will suddenly feel better. It's a lie and it's just evil. These kids have hearts to be sure. Hearts that may be broken by something else and we only exacerbate the problem by affirming drugs and surgeries. they are being hurt so much more by telling them it's all true.

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Honestly, this is not a great post for PITT to have up. The author's behaviour is offensive and rude towards someone who is just leading their life, no matter how weird it is to you. Yes it is weird to me and I despise what my daughter is doing to her body. But our parents taught us when we were VERY young, not to stare at people who are different. You are just creepily inappropriate. Not a good look PITT.

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I occasionally see questions on here about "how can we convince the center-left to join our cause?" As a center-lefty, I have a couple thoughts:

It feels pretty contradictory to claim young trans people are imagining being discriminated against and mistreated, but then see nothing wrong with following one around in a store glaring even after he was kind to you! (I'm referring here to comments, not to the author). Or to even say they deserve to be harassed with personal questions in public. And saying they invite this by simply appearing trans and going about their necessary daily tasks in public, offends me-i have a large birthmark that draws questions. It's on my leg and can be covered with shorts but in the summer I sometimes want to get my groceries, without sweating my butt off, without being approached by strangers to ask if I had a failed tattoo removal. Would I be inviting questions by wearing shorts?

Regardless, acts toward any individual that are dehumanizing, as a rule, do not tend to encourage that individual to be a more pro-social actor. And as someone else said, aggression begets aggression. Rudeness yields rudeness. Arguing tends to make people dig their heels in deeper.

Finally, it seems a bit strange for the author to go from wondering if the individual she saw had been groomed or traumatized, to being rude to him even after he was friendly to her. And then to say "I learned all trans people aren't evil" with the implication obviously being that initially that trans person was considered evil. While it's certainly possible to be a victim and also guilty, it seems disingenuous to claim your child or other children are victims of a evil cult, but lump all the rest of the people with the same issues as you child into that evil cult. When do they go from innocent victim to evil?

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It's not just that young man who is living a deluded life, it's his girlfriend too. They are just another heterosexual couple who have found a way to not feel "normal" or "unexceptional". I just hope they are using contraception because the last thing they need is the addition of a child into their unhealthy lives. NB only one of them has the ability to be a "gestator" and they don't get to choose which one of them gets to do this.

No one is born in the wrong body: https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/follow-the-yellow-brick-road

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Precisely. I didn’t have a trusted adult to tell me that if I didn’t like femininity I could become a boy. I had a trusted feminist librarian at school who gave me books and said that it is society that needs to change.

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Sep 27, 2023·edited Sep 27, 2023

I’m struggling with this post. If I had been in the store with this obvious MAN pretending to be a woman, I would have felt venum. He is a part of the group that stole my vulnerable son, who is visibly declining at 21 after two years of wrong sex hormones. The author writes “I am sure I made that young man feel very uncomfortable and maybe even a little self-conscious.” Along with greed in the industries profiting from destroying healthy bodies, toxic compassion is also fueling the trans cult. I wish women would stare at my over six feet tall son when he goes into a women’s bathroom in his ridiculous outfit and his disturbing hormone induced breasts. Maybe negative feedback could help wake up delusional people to face reality and get real help (though admittedly scarce, as my field (psychology) is infiltrated with providers doling out toxic compassion.

Maybe we should not normalize deluded people who may be influencing more young people to join this horrific body-mutilating, family destroying cult. If a man went shopping in his underwear, he would be told to leave, and if he objected and claimed he is a dog who doesn’t wear clothes, he would be escorted to the ER for a psychiatric evaluation. I don’t have a clear idea on how to respond to those immersed in the trans cult. Honestly, staring seems mild at this man who is misogyny in a dress and whose presence in public propagates this harmful social contagion.

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When you are living such a bold faced lie one should be prepared for some pushback and stares. The damage to children trying to process seeing that in public is unnecessary and we need to protect all children and women. We must stand for truth, men are men and women are women, anything else is disordered.

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We all get triggered by people, but let's remember everyone here is from a generation where we dressed weird and acted weird and our elders didn't like it. You boomers pioneered the unisex look, remember? :) Gen X, we dragged homosexuality out of the closet and made it acceptable with horrible punk hairdoes and bad Toni perms and clown makeup (rather a lot like your kids today), as it should be since general estimates are that like 10-15% of any given population is likely gay, whether you know it or not. And Y & Z took the androgynous thing further and if they'd left it at cosplay they'd outgrow, and hadn't dragged the medical profession into it (or maybe the meds came a-calling and their progressive parents didn't say NO enough) and things really spiralled out of control.

Whether you approve of anything apart from Biblically-sanctioned practices or not is beside the point, but if you're really going to belabour it please include your defence of why Biblically-sanctioned slavery should be okay in the modern day, and vigilante justice for with stones for whores and heretics. Just sayin', if you're going to be anal about your fave holy book. But...if you're not that much of a radical, consider what Thich Nhat Hanh says: Treat everyone in front of you as though they're the most important person in the world. Yes, even the people you hate the most, including Andrew Tate, Nazis, MAGAs, womanfacers, whatever. Make no assumptions about them because you don't know how they got to where they are and you would be horrified to know how the worst of the worst of the worst of humanity wound up in no-parole maximum security prison. Even vicious killers and kiddie rapists have a history, and it may very well be worse than anything you've ever heard.

It's not easy to do and I don't do it very well either. But I aspire to be better. And I totally understand everyone's triggers because I still have them too, but you'll probably have fewer toxic interactions with people if you make a good-faith effort to be kind to everyone UNTIL they've been a jerk to you. As it turned out, the author's trigger did something nice for her. Who knows? Maybe he was being all Buddhist monk about her.

I'm working on getting along with people I can't stand, because guess what...not all right or left wingers are extremists and the rest of us silently agree more or less with each other about a lot and if we stick to the stuff we agree on we can fight our mutually agreeable battles better.

I'm a left-leaning progressive liberal but still far from woke and I don't care where you stand on guns, abortion, Jesus, Trump, or Biden(s).

Let's all figure out a way to stop this madness. *With compromise*. ;) I love you all anyway!

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I feel this. My son thinks he is MTF. He has presented as female since he was 16 and it has destroyed his life. I agree with you that this movement is evil. It is literally being used to indoctrinate kids and get them away from their families. The purpose of this indoctrination could be many things, but none of those purposes make it right. I disagree with transgender bot being a thing. It is. But, not to the level that this has been taken to. It’s not that God made a mistake. We did. We have changed our bodies so much that they don’t work right. I think there are people who are born with the mind of one sex and the body of another, but it’s just as rare as truly intersex people. And all the crap we put in our bodies is the cause.

I’m so glad you shared this story. I’m so glad that you shared with us what you learned. It’s definitely a valuable lesson for all of us and something to really think about. I send good vibes out to your nephew and hope he comes back to you. Good luck.

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