So, apparently, I was an abusive mother. I was considered high risk pregnancy at 39 years old and suffered through hyperemesis gravidarum my entire pregnancy. I worked part-time as an RN returning to work at 9 weeks postpartum. I nursed for 18 months, willingly, to make sure my baby was getting the best care.
There are some similarities between loosing a Kid while they going the wrong route on the streets with not so serios "friends". Loosing em to bad lifestyle, bad habits, drugs and they may end up leaving theire socialisation behind them. This way offered his own specific subculture and bad identities, like it is now growing in a way with many of those psychological influenced transoutcomings.
They get a new Identity kind of. They were "subliminal" influenced to re-calibrate theire memories and feelings. Nobody can change the free will of his childs to go into slavery after they gain momentum evolving theyre wings.
This isnt the fault of parents who realy cared, realy loved, and then feel the pain of loosing theire child to a monstrous abusive kraken of ideology.
All the time there are bad influence on famlily bounds. Always. Call to Army, Smell of Money, Hunt for selfish ideals or those streets with drugs, sex and rocknroll promises.
Now its time for dystopian totalitarian world. This rises kind of old religious traditions. Some civilian "values" who already were mostly build on thin ice, broke down into pieces. Some mighty People see the power of Priests in the pasts as a new way to balance powers. They not only grab your time and money, they now directly grab the hearts of your Kids to cut all belongings of values they made a new ideology on the base of oldest religion traditions.
This is like drugs a pain in the but, causing a drug like abuse of sexual possibilities. They cut right through the natural formed bonds between Parents and there Kids, destroy family as the smallest sector of cultural western civilization - they think. But this is why: They dont know and dont understand love as a binding they cant recognize it in feelings and such on. So they try to get rid of some traditions, but they are technical socialist designers and cant understand that parents hold on theyre kids through true love. Yes, often parents forget that. And this is one point they make in divorcing Parents from Kids to promote abortion as a ritual, as it is killing the bonds between mother and kid - those who had used that, must accept some kind of corruption as they are doing it against a intense feeling on the other hand (or they are already damaged in this manner).
They dont like Love as a Binding. It is irreational. It betrayes those who like to have an absolute power over souls - you cant own someone, if he still loves his parents or other way around. You cant get him to absolutly devote - but as you get a new generation and sold em to distrust those who loved them, you have a point in real power over that individual. Also you have made him subjekt to your restrictions, he is cought in a plato's allegory of the cave - mind.
Is it forever? No. Normaly not. The Problem is, as much as they obey and cut theyre own body apart and betrayed those who realy loved em there is not an easy exit strategy. But some or maybe most will realise at a later point in life, that they were wrong. If they embedded in this cult-like society its a matter of how much they have a way back.
Open your arms if they once come back. If they cought in this you cant get em out. They have to make theyre own experiences as it were theyre own decision to do so.
If you refuse, they get bounced back in that cult-like world and wont be able to try again.
Hold on all the memories you and your kid had together. Dont throw the life of your kid away in anger or due to the pain from that to grow. You knew and know your Kid. Not that brainwashed person it was made.
If they come back, help them remember and they will remember the love, the warmth if they hit on a forgivingfull atmosphere where they can heal the wounds.
But never be surprised if they walk away again. Think about the kids, lost in crime, drugs, on the streets and though they realy wanted, they realy tried to be the one they were, the bad habbits, the force and obsession for drugs is strong and can break theyre will to fight for theyre own lives - think about that:
They divorced YOU and all Values you tought em. If they want to get reunite they have to do the steps necessary. Until then, it is no way to clean theire washed brain.
Cure your Feelings and free up your feels of guilt. Its not your Fault. You didnt kick them out, they let lies gain controll over and made up for theire own life.
You dont own your Kid. You are one or the other way only a "constant companion" a tutor to your kid. A friend.
So be a friend, let em go and live whatever they do. Be constant and let em come back to that what they left behind as soon as they realize. But keep on guard: Its kind of a political thing and you may betrayed again.
Cure your heart. You as parents did well. Never allow them take away the memories, the real kid you have enclosed in your heart never believe the lies, never compromise yourself. Be proud that you are a successful parent which love and care for the "little fella".
So sorry you’re going through this. My daughter, intending to become my son, hasn’t shut me out completely yet but I see great potential for it happening. Each conversation has more time spent in disagreement than pleasantries.
I miss the days of long pleasant, often humorous talks. I pray it changes but only time will tell.
This is part n parcel to the idea that people and family are disposable goods and any discomfort they may bring into your life is evidence they should be locked out. I see young parents be applauded when they shut out their kids from their grandparents lives because *gasp* they voted for a republican and can’t be tru. And every thanksgiving and Christmas there’s some sanctimonious think piece about “dealing “ with your extended family.
Oh and this generation is lonely as hell..... wonder why.
Yep, me too. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve even been threatened with an AVO if I contact him again. Very hard on the younger sibling too who doesn’t understand why he didn’t see his brother at Christmas. So, so sad.
Yes, this is one of the most painful parts of the experience of having a kid go off rails into trans. All the intentional, careful, loving care that you put into their upbringing gets thrown into the bin as just "abusive"
This was an interesting article that explains much… I’m 2.5 yrs into this… this gender cult is turning our kids into sanctified narcissists & I do believe our materialistic entitlement post-modern culture preoccupied with pop psychology & secularism has helped breed this…
Is this one of the mantas being taught to children by the cult? It's bloody hard work being a mother, a thankless job for the most part. Children seem to be taught a victimhood that is only learned but has never been experienced. Taught to use the button that cannot be undone, "abuse". Is this the tras way of pushing the blame for the grooming and abuse they are currently engaged in?
Being a mom is the most targeted role in our society, the most shamed, and blamed. Maybe the Christian environment has the clue there. But without knowing what abuse your daughter is referring to, it's difficult to know whether she's just using a word to separate herself from you and hurt you or there's something else behind it
I appreciate the author's succint description of an unjust injury that is hard to contain in mere words. My young adult son also has said his upbringing was "abusive." His identifying "trauma" is ironic as this ingratitude traumatizes me. It requires utmost mental maturity to hear absurd criticism as the mouthpiece of the "trans" cult speaking through my confused, on the spectrum, duped child. This attempt to distort and erase a parent's' reality of loving care bestowed on a precious child is a truly evil lynchpin of how the "trans" cult ensnares young people.
I’m 2 years in to this and It definitely hasn’t been easy. But it if wasn’t for my daughter going through this, I would have never gone back to church and really felt God’s presence. Satan is strong and desperate, but God is stronger. For me, it’s in his hands. I will do everything I can to love her unconditionally yet protect her feverishly. In all darkness there is light ❤️
Mine left home and in her hate filled goodbye note said she had no good memories of her childhood. Luckily I have tons of video and photo evidence of her having a great childhood and being a very happy kid.
Until it suddenly changed about two years before she left. Coincidently about the same time she started following a very popular Tick Tock/Youtube trans "influencer." If she ever returns I have the evidence that she is doing what is called, "Rewriting history."
I don't know if she will ever return but I do know the brainwashing was only half effective. When she left she took very little clothes but one thing she took was her prom dress! That and all her stuffed animals, which were a lot. Which explains why she took so few clothes.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope your daughter will come to realize she has been unduly influenced, lied to, by people who do not care one whit about her.
A huge part of the problem is glamorizing "depression and anxiety." Being a teenager means extreme emotions. Your peers are irrational (especially if you're female). Estrogen demands that you care too much about your appearance. This is not "anxiety and depression." It's just adolescence.
The other word is "trauma." This is assigned to being catcalled or grabbed inappropriately. The reductive narrative these days (promoted by such unforgivably awful films as "Women Talking") is that all men treat women like objects. Rape is around every corner, blah blah. Well yes, it is rough being a teenage girl but it might be an improvement to teach the biological underpinnings of the male gaze rather than demonize and behave as if this needs to be eradicated when in fact it's there to propagate the species.
The other unfortunate fashion is to demonize one's parents and everything is "abuse."
We all have to collectively stop promoting this unhealthy perspective.
Well, I certainly disagree that we should be explaining away being grabbed inappropriately as a behavior that propagate the species and hence somehow ok. Male gaze of ,say, a 40 y.o. at a young teen girl is never ok. We may be mammals but we are evolved mammals and have certain expectations of civil behavior from our species. Also, being catcalled by grown men at 13 is very different than being catcalled at 23. Being grabbed inappropriately is nasty and scary. Also, estrogen does not demand that you care about your appearance. In fact as far as a I know humans are the only animals where females and not males try to to make themselves attractive. Your comment is pretty sexist imo. I do agree that we should go easy on the use of the word "trauma" . Instead, we should teach girls and young women to stand up for themselves.
And of course girls should be taught to stand up for themselves. Easier said than done though— perhaps due to the difference between testosterone and estrogen. And while being catcalled is unpleasant when not attracted to the person doing it, it’s not worth calling traumatic.
Hang in there - I was labeled "abusive" too, even though just a few years ago my daughter told me she had always felt safe with me. There was private school and university, music lessons, sports, travel....This appears to be an illness of the privileged. My adult child cut me off nearly 2 years ago and it hurts like nothing I've experienced. I take comfort in my close relatives telling me I was a good mum and focusing on my own hobbies and interests. I've been listening to a podcast for psychiatric residents and I've been intrigued by the episodes on borderline personality disorder. There are so many similarities in behaviour and traits -- the extreme emotional reactions, the black and white thinking, body dysmorphia, eating disorders... I think lots of young people are actually struggling with BPD and aren't getting the help they need because once they claim the "trans" identity the culture starts validating and rewarding their BPD traits.
Puzzle Therapy I have just listened to that podcast with Lisa Duval and it was so profound. Thank you so much for recommending that. I could so relate to her insights. She talked about two types of kids she sees in her practice. My daughter exactly fits the second type she mentioned, noncompliant, strong-willed, politically motivated...looking to rebel and individuate, but with parents who are already liberal, there is nothing to rebel against, except traditional notions of gender.... The concept of iatrogenic BPD traits was fascinating. The wider culture is affirming a false diagnosis and then doing harm through the treatment. Advice to people living with a BPD family member is to show them empathy, but do not cave into their demands and threats to self-harm. And yet with ROGD (and same traits induced by social media use) we are told to cave into their every demand or else they will cut off contact with us. How can clinicians not SEE this inconsistency?
The podcast I was listening to most recently was at https://www.psychiatrypodcast.com/. I've heard the Wider Lens podcast but not the one you've referenced. I'll check that one out. In our case I don't think the BPD is "pseudo" bc I think my daughter's father shows the same traits, as does his mother. However what's different is that in other contexts extreme emotional dysregulation is punished by the culture. In the trans context, as you said, it's rewarded and even seen as necessary for inclusion.
Wow, this is really interesting, Puzzle Therapy. I have to go listen to these episodes. One of my friends who is a psychologist and knows about my daughter's trans identity has suggested she might be BPD; however, my daughter has no childhood trauma and no real attachment issues so I wondered how she might have developed BPD...I had not heard about iatrogenic or pseudo-BPD. Of course, I can't take her for any sort of diagnosis, because I don't trust any providers to do anything but affirm her more than her previous therapists already hvae.
I am curious to learn more about this pseudo-BPD too. One thing I've read elsewhere is a theory that BPD may have hereditary causes even where there are no traumas or attachment issues. Also I recall reading studies connecting BPD and autism with extreme stress (high levels of cortisol) during the pregnancy. I found that interesting. I don't remember where that was but I think the study was on women who had survived Hurricane Katrina and elevated rates of autism in their children.
One explanation I’ve heard that makes a lot of sense: this is pretty common in lots of people who are highly emotionally disregulated or who routinely experience very intense emotional responses. They feel their emotions so intensely and are so overwhelmed by them, so rather than being able to deal with the mismatch of the intensity of their emotional response and the thing or event that triggered it (which would not trigger that level of intensity from others) they feel there *must* be something that happened that matches how they feel, at the intensity they feel it. So they create or re-interpret events to make them match the intensity of their feelings. For example, a child who is accidentally bumped by another child in line at school is flooded with such intense emotions that they feel they can’t have just been accidentally bumped, they must have been forcefully shoved, and it must have been done on purpose because the other child is mean and wanted him to be hurt. For our teens, add the mistakes we ALL make as parents combined with repeated messaging from influencers like Jeffrey Marsh and the redefining of the words “trauma,” “violence,” and “unsafe,” and therapists who say they must validate all feelings and can’t do anything that might interfere with their relationship with the client (like appropriately challenging narratives that they see and know aren’t accurate)...it’s a perfect storm
How about : my life was disrupted when the pandemic wouldn't allow me to be with other people and friends and remote learning was a big fail that I took upon myself as a personal failure. In the depression of isolation I didn't get exercise. Now I'm getting older, feel like the world is F*$#ed beyond repair, my body feels strange, and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. All of this pressure upon me is unbearable, and I don't even know who I am.
Wait?! Maybe it is my parents who pressured me all of this time. Maybe this isn't even my body. I remember once I thought about wearing a dress as a child, and I now see that I am a woman, not a boy. If my parents, who have been pressuring me to do well in school and be happy and OK so not accept that I am a woman, then this is just an extension of the abuse that they have already done to me. When I transition, I can finally be who I am and be OK. If people don't affirm me, then they are part of that abuse. When I transition and change my body, I will finally be who I am and accept myself and will finally be free.
I think this is the hypothetical psychology that I am imagining. Transmutation of stress and disrupted maturation into a conveniently presented solution.
YES. It's reinterpreting the current flooded emotions in a distorted way. Or applying current emotions to past events and "remembering" them differently.
There are some similarities between loosing a Kid while they going the wrong route on the streets with not so serios "friends". Loosing em to bad lifestyle, bad habits, drugs and they may end up leaving theire socialisation behind them. This way offered his own specific subculture and bad identities, like it is now growing in a way with many of those psychological influenced transoutcomings.
They get a new Identity kind of. They were "subliminal" influenced to re-calibrate theire memories and feelings. Nobody can change the free will of his childs to go into slavery after they gain momentum evolving theyre wings.
This isnt the fault of parents who realy cared, realy loved, and then feel the pain of loosing theire child to a monstrous abusive kraken of ideology.
All the time there are bad influence on famlily bounds. Always. Call to Army, Smell of Money, Hunt for selfish ideals or those streets with drugs, sex and rocknroll promises.
Now its time for dystopian totalitarian world. This rises kind of old religious traditions. Some civilian "values" who already were mostly build on thin ice, broke down into pieces. Some mighty People see the power of Priests in the pasts as a new way to balance powers. They not only grab your time and money, they now directly grab the hearts of your Kids to cut all belongings of values they made a new ideology on the base of oldest religion traditions.
This is like drugs a pain in the but, causing a drug like abuse of sexual possibilities. They cut right through the natural formed bonds between Parents and there Kids, destroy family as the smallest sector of cultural western civilization - they think. But this is why: They dont know and dont understand love as a binding they cant recognize it in feelings and such on. So they try to get rid of some traditions, but they are technical socialist designers and cant understand that parents hold on theyre kids through true love. Yes, often parents forget that. And this is one point they make in divorcing Parents from Kids to promote abortion as a ritual, as it is killing the bonds between mother and kid - those who had used that, must accept some kind of corruption as they are doing it against a intense feeling on the other hand (or they are already damaged in this manner).
They dont like Love as a Binding. It is irreational. It betrayes those who like to have an absolute power over souls - you cant own someone, if he still loves his parents or other way around. You cant get him to absolutly devote - but as you get a new generation and sold em to distrust those who loved them, you have a point in real power over that individual. Also you have made him subjekt to your restrictions, he is cought in a plato's allegory of the cave - mind.
Is it forever? No. Normaly not. The Problem is, as much as they obey and cut theyre own body apart and betrayed those who realy loved em there is not an easy exit strategy. But some or maybe most will realise at a later point in life, that they were wrong. If they embedded in this cult-like society its a matter of how much they have a way back.
Open your arms if they once come back. If they cought in this you cant get em out. They have to make theyre own experiences as it were theyre own decision to do so.
If you refuse, they get bounced back in that cult-like world and wont be able to try again.
Hold on all the memories you and your kid had together. Dont throw the life of your kid away in anger or due to the pain from that to grow. You knew and know your Kid. Not that brainwashed person it was made.
If they come back, help them remember and they will remember the love, the warmth if they hit on a forgivingfull atmosphere where they can heal the wounds.
But never be surprised if they walk away again. Think about the kids, lost in crime, drugs, on the streets and though they realy wanted, they realy tried to be the one they were, the bad habbits, the force and obsession for drugs is strong and can break theyre will to fight for theyre own lives - think about that:
They divorced YOU and all Values you tought em. If they want to get reunite they have to do the steps necessary. Until then, it is no way to clean theire washed brain.
Cure your Feelings and free up your feels of guilt. Its not your Fault. You didnt kick them out, they let lies gain controll over and made up for theire own life.
You dont own your Kid. You are one or the other way only a "constant companion" a tutor to your kid. A friend.
So be a friend, let em go and live whatever they do. Be constant and let em come back to that what they left behind as soon as they realize. But keep on guard: Its kind of a political thing and you may betrayed again.
Cure your heart. You as parents did well. Never allow them take away the memories, the real kid you have enclosed in your heart never believe the lies, never compromise yourself. Be proud that you are a successful parent which love and care for the "little fella".
So sorry you’re going through this. My daughter, intending to become my son, hasn’t shut me out completely yet but I see great potential for it happening. Each conversation has more time spent in disagreement than pleasantries.
I miss the days of long pleasant, often humorous talks. I pray it changes but only time will tell.
This is part n parcel to the idea that people and family are disposable goods and any discomfort they may bring into your life is evidence they should be locked out. I see young parents be applauded when they shut out their kids from their grandparents lives because *gasp* they voted for a republican and can’t be tru. And every thanksgiving and Christmas there’s some sanctimonious think piece about “dealing “ with your extended family.
Oh and this generation is lonely as hell..... wonder why.
Yep, me too. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve even been threatened with an AVO if I contact him again. Very hard on the younger sibling too who doesn’t understand why he didn’t see his brother at Christmas. So, so sad.
Yes, this is one of the most painful parts of the experience of having a kid go off rails into trans. All the intentional, careful, loving care that you put into their upbringing gets thrown into the bin as just "abusive"
This was an interesting article that explains much… I’m 2.5 yrs into this… this gender cult is turning our kids into sanctified narcissists & I do believe our materialistic entitlement post-modern culture preoccupied with pop psychology & secularism has helped breed this…
https://www.faithwire.com/2023/01/13/nyu-professor-says-generation-z-is-causing-national-crisis/
I’m living the same hell…your story could be mine! I’m new here- came for support & to support.
Is this one of the mantas being taught to children by the cult? It's bloody hard work being a mother, a thankless job for the most part. Children seem to be taught a victimhood that is only learned but has never been experienced. Taught to use the button that cannot be undone, "abuse". Is this the tras way of pushing the blame for the grooming and abuse they are currently engaged in?
Being a mom is the most targeted role in our society, the most shamed, and blamed. Maybe the Christian environment has the clue there. But without knowing what abuse your daughter is referring to, it's difficult to know whether she's just using a word to separate herself from you and hurt you or there's something else behind it
I appreciate the author's succint description of an unjust injury that is hard to contain in mere words. My young adult son also has said his upbringing was "abusive." His identifying "trauma" is ironic as this ingratitude traumatizes me. It requires utmost mental maturity to hear absurd criticism as the mouthpiece of the "trans" cult speaking through my confused, on the spectrum, duped child. This attempt to distort and erase a parent's' reality of loving care bestowed on a precious child is a truly evil lynchpin of how the "trans" cult ensnares young people.
I’m 2 years in to this and It definitely hasn’t been easy. But it if wasn’t for my daughter going through this, I would have never gone back to church and really felt God’s presence. Satan is strong and desperate, but God is stronger. For me, it’s in his hands. I will do everything I can to love her unconditionally yet protect her feverishly. In all darkness there is light ❤️
Mine left home and in her hate filled goodbye note said she had no good memories of her childhood. Luckily I have tons of video and photo evidence of her having a great childhood and being a very happy kid.
Until it suddenly changed about two years before she left. Coincidently about the same time she started following a very popular Tick Tock/Youtube trans "influencer." If she ever returns I have the evidence that she is doing what is called, "Rewriting history."
I don't know if she will ever return but I do know the brainwashing was only half effective. When she left she took very little clothes but one thing she took was her prom dress! That and all her stuffed animals, which were a lot. Which explains why she took so few clothes.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope your daughter will come to realize she has been unduly influenced, lied to, by people who do not care one whit about her.
A huge part of the problem is glamorizing "depression and anxiety." Being a teenager means extreme emotions. Your peers are irrational (especially if you're female). Estrogen demands that you care too much about your appearance. This is not "anxiety and depression." It's just adolescence.
The other word is "trauma." This is assigned to being catcalled or grabbed inappropriately. The reductive narrative these days (promoted by such unforgivably awful films as "Women Talking") is that all men treat women like objects. Rape is around every corner, blah blah. Well yes, it is rough being a teenage girl but it might be an improvement to teach the biological underpinnings of the male gaze rather than demonize and behave as if this needs to be eradicated when in fact it's there to propagate the species.
The other unfortunate fashion is to demonize one's parents and everything is "abuse."
We all have to collectively stop promoting this unhealthy perspective.
Well, I certainly disagree that we should be explaining away being grabbed inappropriately as a behavior that propagate the species and hence somehow ok. Male gaze of ,say, a 40 y.o. at a young teen girl is never ok. We may be mammals but we are evolved mammals and have certain expectations of civil behavior from our species. Also, being catcalled by grown men at 13 is very different than being catcalled at 23. Being grabbed inappropriately is nasty and scary. Also, estrogen does not demand that you care about your appearance. In fact as far as a I know humans are the only animals where females and not males try to to make themselves attractive. Your comment is pretty sexist imo. I do agree that we should go easy on the use of the word "trauma" . Instead, we should teach girls and young women to stand up for themselves.
Understanding the why of a behavior is not the same as saying it’s OK. As for what estrogen does — I take it you haven’t gone through menopause yet.
Consider reading The Evolution of Desire” by David M. Buss. When you understand evolutionary biology deeming behaviors ‘sexist’ just sounds silly.
And of course girls should be taught to stand up for themselves. Easier said than done though— perhaps due to the difference between testosterone and estrogen. And while being catcalled is unpleasant when not attracted to the person doing it, it’s not worth calling traumatic.
I totally agree that being catcalled is not worth calling traumatic and I explained that to my own daughter.
I understand evolutionary biology but thanks for spelling it out for a silly woman.
I could not agree more with this.
Hang in there - I was labeled "abusive" too, even though just a few years ago my daughter told me she had always felt safe with me. There was private school and university, music lessons, sports, travel....This appears to be an illness of the privileged. My adult child cut me off nearly 2 years ago and it hurts like nothing I've experienced. I take comfort in my close relatives telling me I was a good mum and focusing on my own hobbies and interests. I've been listening to a podcast for psychiatric residents and I've been intrigued by the episodes on borderline personality disorder. There are so many similarities in behaviour and traits -- the extreme emotional reactions, the black and white thinking, body dysmorphia, eating disorders... I think lots of young people are actually struggling with BPD and aren't getting the help they need because once they claim the "trans" identity the culture starts validating and rewarding their BPD traits.
Puzzle Therapy I have just listened to that podcast with Lisa Duval and it was so profound. Thank you so much for recommending that. I could so relate to her insights. She talked about two types of kids she sees in her practice. My daughter exactly fits the second type she mentioned, noncompliant, strong-willed, politically motivated...looking to rebel and individuate, but with parents who are already liberal, there is nothing to rebel against, except traditional notions of gender.... The concept of iatrogenic BPD traits was fascinating. The wider culture is affirming a false diagnosis and then doing harm through the treatment. Advice to people living with a BPD family member is to show them empathy, but do not cave into their demands and threats to self-harm. And yet with ROGD (and same traits induced by social media use) we are told to cave into their every demand or else they will cut off contact with us. How can clinicians not SEE this inconsistency?
I completely agree. I wish this iatrogenic bpd idea would get discussed and explored more!
The podcast I was listening to most recently was at https://www.psychiatrypodcast.com/. I've heard the Wider Lens podcast but not the one you've referenced. I'll check that one out. In our case I don't think the BPD is "pseudo" bc I think my daughter's father shows the same traits, as does his mother. However what's different is that in other contexts extreme emotional dysregulation is punished by the culture. In the trans context, as you said, it's rewarded and even seen as necessary for inclusion.
Wow, this is really interesting, Puzzle Therapy. I have to go listen to these episodes. One of my friends who is a psychologist and knows about my daughter's trans identity has suggested she might be BPD; however, my daughter has no childhood trauma and no real attachment issues so I wondered how she might have developed BPD...I had not heard about iatrogenic or pseudo-BPD. Of course, I can't take her for any sort of diagnosis, because I don't trust any providers to do anything but affirm her more than her previous therapists already hvae.
I am curious to learn more about this pseudo-BPD too. One thing I've read elsewhere is a theory that BPD may have hereditary causes even where there are no traumas or attachment issues. Also I recall reading studies connecting BPD and autism with extreme stress (high levels of cortisol) during the pregnancy. I found that interesting. I don't remember where that was but I think the study was on women who had survived Hurricane Katrina and elevated rates of autism in their children.
One explanation I’ve heard that makes a lot of sense: this is pretty common in lots of people who are highly emotionally disregulated or who routinely experience very intense emotional responses. They feel their emotions so intensely and are so overwhelmed by them, so rather than being able to deal with the mismatch of the intensity of their emotional response and the thing or event that triggered it (which would not trigger that level of intensity from others) they feel there *must* be something that happened that matches how they feel, at the intensity they feel it. So they create or re-interpret events to make them match the intensity of their feelings. For example, a child who is accidentally bumped by another child in line at school is flooded with such intense emotions that they feel they can’t have just been accidentally bumped, they must have been forcefully shoved, and it must have been done on purpose because the other child is mean and wanted him to be hurt. For our teens, add the mistakes we ALL make as parents combined with repeated messaging from influencers like Jeffrey Marsh and the redefining of the words “trauma,” “violence,” and “unsafe,” and therapists who say they must validate all feelings and can’t do anything that might interfere with their relationship with the client (like appropriately challenging narratives that they see and know aren’t accurate)...it’s a perfect storm
How about : my life was disrupted when the pandemic wouldn't allow me to be with other people and friends and remote learning was a big fail that I took upon myself as a personal failure. In the depression of isolation I didn't get exercise. Now I'm getting older, feel like the world is F*$#ed beyond repair, my body feels strange, and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. All of this pressure upon me is unbearable, and I don't even know who I am.
Wait?! Maybe it is my parents who pressured me all of this time. Maybe this isn't even my body. I remember once I thought about wearing a dress as a child, and I now see that I am a woman, not a boy. If my parents, who have been pressuring me to do well in school and be happy and OK so not accept that I am a woman, then this is just an extension of the abuse that they have already done to me. When I transition, I can finally be who I am and be OK. If people don't affirm me, then they are part of that abuse. When I transition and change my body, I will finally be who I am and accept myself and will finally be free.
I think this is the hypothetical psychology that I am imagining. Transmutation of stress and disrupted maturation into a conveniently presented solution.
YES. It's reinterpreting the current flooded emotions in a distorted way. Or applying current emotions to past events and "remembering" them differently.