When my daughter was a few weeks old, she developed colic. Obviously in pain, she cried for hours. Since I was exclusively breastfeeding, I asked her pediatrician if my daughter could be reacting to something in my diet. The pediatrician dismissed the idea with a comforting yet condescending smile. "It’s unlikely to help and you need your nutrients. You can try changing your diet but..." Her tone trailing off, clearly to indicate that she was just humoring a worried new mom. "Just eat healthy and continue to breastfeed" she encouraged me. Her advice made no sense: How can what I eat NOT affect my baby? If I am consuming it, surely it is coming out in the milk. If it didn't matter, we wouldn't be advised against smoking, drinking, and prescribed medications. After doing some research on my own and some trial and error, I eliminated all "gassy" foods from my diet. Instead of proudly consuming legumes and multicolored (organic of course! Nothing but the best for my baby!) fruits and vegetables, I was surviving mostly on meat and iceberg lettuce.
I lost a daughter to the trans cult. She has mental illness issues, which isn't her fault or mine. But I do not use opposite sex pronouns or her new name. I can continue to hold my ground on reality even if she cannot. Of course she is angry with me about that. But I must hold onto reality even if she cannot. One of us needs to stay sane.
I was terrified that my transsexual husband would corrupt our two young children (then 10 and 12 years). He wanted to be their "sibling", taking no responsibility or lead as a protective father. He wanted to manipulate them into his belief that he was somehow both "Dad" AND someone who was their contemporary AND their "friend". It was grooming. He had moved out, so he was only writing e-mails to them. I had their passwords because they were so young. I looked out for e-mails from him. I printed them out and we went through them line by line or word by word: "This is a lie, this is a half-truth, this is a manipulative statement". So I introduced them very early to textual analysis, and I established an emotional distance which saved them. In a couple of years they saw that he did nothing except whine self-pityingly and complain that they didn't reply quickly. He "forgot" the fact that HE had WALKED out on them He never offered to come to our home (I said that he was welcome provided he wore male clothes and behaved as a father to them). He sent tiny presents and made a huge fuss about them. He was emotionally very detached. This meant that our children could concentrate on their own lives and school work, instead of propping up his fragile self-worth. They have independant lives now, and both live in the US. Their father, my ex-H died two years ago. A fight for his estate is on-going. with his older son from a previous marriage. All this has been very time-consuming, exhausting, and has prevented me from doing anything except part-time work. I will be suing when there is enough momentum from a variety of victims, including transwidows, children of transitioners and, of course, detransitioners.
I used to blame myself, but not anymore. The invention of synthetic hormones, the internet, and social media – combined with a global pandemic -- none of that is our fault. Yes, some conservative families have fared better, but not all. My kids weren't caught up in this until their 20s. I couldn't I have prevented that, because I couldn't have foreseen that something so illogical would become a common belief. I'm hopeful the medicalization of ‘gender’ will end and that women’s rights will be respected again. But even if this happens, there are generational differences that will remain. Influencers are still telling young people to have nothing to do with their families of origin and to tear down all institutions. New movements and imaginary ‘religions’ are evolving in real time as we speak – just Google ‘tulpas’.
Yes the priorities in the teens need reevaluation when they go awry. In these Trans teens since the cult is so severe what seems to have high percent of success is to send these teens with or without you into the wilderness, to a farm, to a very poor place where lack of resources takes the priority, where WIFI does not exist. Since the world is aligned against the reality of biological men and women and affirmation care is the world priority parents must become therapists for their children, asking lots of questions, reviewing all types of information together, talking through this issue and never giving up.
I love that you're asking this question. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!
Because it's taking responsibility (even though it's not *all* on you - nor was your daughter's colic) and not just railing at the Evil Transgender/Activists. I think parents of trans kids need to take a hard look at progressive parenting, in which children are treated as little adults rather than the little people my mother considered my brother and I - *people* with feelings, wants, desires, and certain rights, but not *adults* - we were, after all, still children. So some self- and group-analysis is in order, I think, but also--and some are not going to like to hear this--maybe examine how conservative parents raise *their* kids, because research shows conservative kids have higher levels of happiness and joy in life (Jonathan Haidt) and a helluva lot fewer 'trans' kids, who are going to the same schools *your* kids got this nonsense from. How are conservative parents counteracting it? Or are they sending their kids to private schools? (They can't *all* be doing that.)
It doesn't mean conservative parents have ALL the answers--they don't, and I personally could testify to how conservative and especially conservative Christian parents can really screw their kids up--I've known *so many* over the years. BUT...just as progressive parents don't do everything right, or wrong, neither do conservative parents. I wonder how well they treat their gay kids, for example. Pretty sure it ain't easy to grow up gay in a conservative Christian household, still. But...at least their parents aren't butchering their genitals.
The other thing is is you can't control everything. There's still the cultic nonsense they get in the schools and from their peer groups and 'affirming' parents of their friends. Author, reading about your attempts to 'control' your daughter's colic indicate maybe you could have spent more time alleviating it than controlling it. Because I was a colicky baby (my brother wasn't) and I'm 60. So if they don't know *now* how to prevent colic, your best bet is to do what parents of yore did - hold the baby on your shoulder and rub its back. It doesn't always help but sometimes it does and it doesn't hurt!
I say these things NOT TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD OR SELF-CRITICAL. I offer this as a 'post-mortem', which is what project managers in companies that do jobs for others. They built a house; installed a complex computer system; held a protest; whatever. The team sits down later and says, "What did we do right? What did we do wrong?" Especially if the project didn't go well. The point is not to beat yourselves up because you're awful, stupid, incompetent people, but to logically and rationally *analyze your mistakes*, *determine what you should do better next time*, and figure out a process everyone follows so you don't accidentally drop a load of bricks from a crane or take out the payroll system with the ERP implementation. The purpose is to continuously improve, not beat yourself (or others) up.
I'll be honest: I don't have kids but we have perspectives too, that you *can't* have *because* you've never had kids. I don't want to beat up parents and tell them they did a lousy job of raising their kids; you might have done a pretty damn good job all things considered and s/he still got sucked into the trans cult (and in the olden days, religious cults like the numerous Jesus ones, the Moonies, Jim Jones, etc.) (Christian CULTS, not mainstream Christian religions!) But I do encourage personal responsibility (it's the basis of my own Substack and a personal journey I myself am on) and being able to honestly critique ourselves with the intention of improving rather than abusing ourselves is incredibly important.
I have a question to all of you. How your kids' therapist are reffering to them? By real or chosen name? My daughter's therapist uses male name and pronouns and I dont like it but she insists that she has to do it to have a good relation with my daughter. And this is kind of rule. I dont like it and thinking about stopping therapy.
I was caught completely off guard when the trans madness turned our lives upside down. I didn't even know it was a thing affecting a vast number of kids. I had to start from scratch, doing research, and learning about this cult. This is our 6th year. Initially I blamed myself for a lot of things I did wrong. While grappling with what I did wrong or could have done better, internet exposure, is what I would say is the biggest influence on our kids. My pearl of advice with anyone with young kids, limit their time on the web and know what they are watching. Make them aware of the trans cult, and the dangers before they get hooked. Many schools are teaching this nonsense, get them out if you can, and into a different school, or homeschooling is even better. If you can't change schools lovingly guide them in the right way. Just as we warn kids not to cross a busy road or touch a hot stove, tell them that transgenderism is wrong. Affirm them as they are, tell them you are glad that they are a boy/girl. For trans identified kids take away the voices that influence them. Parents must also agree on the same issues. It doesn't help if the one spouse goes along and the other doesn't. Be firm, don't cave in, but be loving and supportive.
You may be reading my advice and thinking about the fact that you pray rather than the specific advice which I gave. I have a lot more feedback than just that to offer, not least of which is that disbelief in a universe of natural, knowable law, and belief in supernatural intervention and alterations of a miraculous nature are the beliefs which trans kids have taken fully to heart. So I suggest to refrain from modeling a belief in magical changes for that reason as well as for the essentially exploitative act of taking credit for someone else’s actions, thoughts, growths, realizations, etc. on the grounds that one has been hoping very hard for it. It may be the case that in working on yourself, your interactions with your child have been improved and your child responds positively. I really hope so. That is such a healthy thing to happen. You didn’t change her by praying, though.
I'm not a parent, but I am a teen who was in the trans cult and got out of it. My parents gave me detransition stories to watch on YouTube. I didn't want to watch those vids, but my parents made a deal with me that if I watch a few detrans vids then they will watch trans "success stories". If you'd like to read my full story it's published on PITT with the title "They pushed me into this ideology and tried to keep me there forever". Hope this helps and good luck with your daughter!
Oh my that's awful, so you totally understand. It's insane how these people have completely brainwashed our kids! Stay strong....things are changing I just hope our girls dont physically harm themselves, this is already is taking a toll on their mental health.
I would not have supported my son going to University. He had a scholarship that paid for tuition and books, but if he had had to work to pay for his housing and food he would have had more self confidence and been happier. He also would have had less time on the internet. Even better if he had worked instead of going to school he would not have met the school therapist who told him he was trans, would not have had the school health system that put him on estrogen, and would not have had the “trans” club that supports his decisions.
I also wish we had attended a more conservative church.
I also wish I had frequently told him as a young child that boys cannot become girls or women, but frankly that never occurred to me.
I really believe proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Raise your child to have a relationship with Jesus and to know who they are in Him. Raise them to be happy with the sex God made them. I made the mistake of raising my daughter with religion not relationship, and I regret that. I was also ignorant about social media and it's power over our youth, never underestimate it.
What has helped me, and this may sound odd, is thinking of my son as my nephew. A young man I love and will be there for, yet not someone I am responsible for. Not someone whose failures reflect on me. He is 26, in year 5 of cross sex hormones. Not happier as a result. We never discuss gender topics. We have a great relationship. (There was a year of estrangement before I adopted my aunt-like stance). I have a seat at the table, should he ever waiver in his certainty that he is trans.
I have to say, from the many, many stories I’ve heard, there really is no wrong or right way to deal with this successfully. It is very very difficult in this technological age to parent when your kid has access to the entire world at their fingertips. Many grow up unscathed, but many do not. I would’ve been far more strict had I known the detriment unfettered access can bring. In hindsight I feel naive. But at the end of the day, they have made the choice & if you choose not to play along with their new identity & name, then that is your choice too & you must bear the loss. It’s a wrong form of ‘healthcare’ & all the enablers are no better.
I lost a daughter to the trans cult. She has mental illness issues, which isn't her fault or mine. But I do not use opposite sex pronouns or her new name. I can continue to hold my ground on reality even if she cannot. Of course she is angry with me about that. But I must hold onto reality even if she cannot. One of us needs to stay sane.
I was terrified that my transsexual husband would corrupt our two young children (then 10 and 12 years). He wanted to be their "sibling", taking no responsibility or lead as a protective father. He wanted to manipulate them into his belief that he was somehow both "Dad" AND someone who was their contemporary AND their "friend". It was grooming. He had moved out, so he was only writing e-mails to them. I had their passwords because they were so young. I looked out for e-mails from him. I printed them out and we went through them line by line or word by word: "This is a lie, this is a half-truth, this is a manipulative statement". So I introduced them very early to textual analysis, and I established an emotional distance which saved them. In a couple of years they saw that he did nothing except whine self-pityingly and complain that they didn't reply quickly. He "forgot" the fact that HE had WALKED out on them He never offered to come to our home (I said that he was welcome provided he wore male clothes and behaved as a father to them). He sent tiny presents and made a huge fuss about them. He was emotionally very detached. This meant that our children could concentrate on their own lives and school work, instead of propping up his fragile self-worth. They have independant lives now, and both live in the US. Their father, my ex-H died two years ago. A fight for his estate is on-going. with his older son from a previous marriage. All this has been very time-consuming, exhausting, and has prevented me from doing anything except part-time work. I will be suing when there is enough momentum from a variety of victims, including transwidows, children of transitioners and, of course, detransitioners.
One of the very best PITT posts I’ve ever read! Many thanks for this important perspective!
I used to blame myself, but not anymore. The invention of synthetic hormones, the internet, and social media – combined with a global pandemic -- none of that is our fault. Yes, some conservative families have fared better, but not all. My kids weren't caught up in this until their 20s. I couldn't I have prevented that, because I couldn't have foreseen that something so illogical would become a common belief. I'm hopeful the medicalization of ‘gender’ will end and that women’s rights will be respected again. But even if this happens, there are generational differences that will remain. Influencers are still telling young people to have nothing to do with their families of origin and to tear down all institutions. New movements and imaginary ‘religions’ are evolving in real time as we speak – just Google ‘tulpas’.
Yes the priorities in the teens need reevaluation when they go awry. In these Trans teens since the cult is so severe what seems to have high percent of success is to send these teens with or without you into the wilderness, to a farm, to a very poor place where lack of resources takes the priority, where WIFI does not exist. Since the world is aligned against the reality of biological men and women and affirmation care is the world priority parents must become therapists for their children, asking lots of questions, reviewing all types of information together, talking through this issue and never giving up.
I love that you're asking this question. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!
Because it's taking responsibility (even though it's not *all* on you - nor was your daughter's colic) and not just railing at the Evil Transgender/Activists. I think parents of trans kids need to take a hard look at progressive parenting, in which children are treated as little adults rather than the little people my mother considered my brother and I - *people* with feelings, wants, desires, and certain rights, but not *adults* - we were, after all, still children. So some self- and group-analysis is in order, I think, but also--and some are not going to like to hear this--maybe examine how conservative parents raise *their* kids, because research shows conservative kids have higher levels of happiness and joy in life (Jonathan Haidt) and a helluva lot fewer 'trans' kids, who are going to the same schools *your* kids got this nonsense from. How are conservative parents counteracting it? Or are they sending their kids to private schools? (They can't *all* be doing that.)
It doesn't mean conservative parents have ALL the answers--they don't, and I personally could testify to how conservative and especially conservative Christian parents can really screw their kids up--I've known *so many* over the years. BUT...just as progressive parents don't do everything right, or wrong, neither do conservative parents. I wonder how well they treat their gay kids, for example. Pretty sure it ain't easy to grow up gay in a conservative Christian household, still. But...at least their parents aren't butchering their genitals.
The other thing is is you can't control everything. There's still the cultic nonsense they get in the schools and from their peer groups and 'affirming' parents of their friends. Author, reading about your attempts to 'control' your daughter's colic indicate maybe you could have spent more time alleviating it than controlling it. Because I was a colicky baby (my brother wasn't) and I'm 60. So if they don't know *now* how to prevent colic, your best bet is to do what parents of yore did - hold the baby on your shoulder and rub its back. It doesn't always help but sometimes it does and it doesn't hurt!
I say these things NOT TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD OR SELF-CRITICAL. I offer this as a 'post-mortem', which is what project managers in companies that do jobs for others. They built a house; installed a complex computer system; held a protest; whatever. The team sits down later and says, "What did we do right? What did we do wrong?" Especially if the project didn't go well. The point is not to beat yourselves up because you're awful, stupid, incompetent people, but to logically and rationally *analyze your mistakes*, *determine what you should do better next time*, and figure out a process everyone follows so you don't accidentally drop a load of bricks from a crane or take out the payroll system with the ERP implementation. The purpose is to continuously improve, not beat yourself (or others) up.
I'll be honest: I don't have kids but we have perspectives too, that you *can't* have *because* you've never had kids. I don't want to beat up parents and tell them they did a lousy job of raising their kids; you might have done a pretty damn good job all things considered and s/he still got sucked into the trans cult (and in the olden days, religious cults like the numerous Jesus ones, the Moonies, Jim Jones, etc.) (Christian CULTS, not mainstream Christian religions!) But I do encourage personal responsibility (it's the basis of my own Substack and a personal journey I myself am on) and being able to honestly critique ourselves with the intention of improving rather than abusing ourselves is incredibly important.
I have a question to all of you. How your kids' therapist are reffering to them? By real or chosen name? My daughter's therapist uses male name and pronouns and I dont like it but she insists that she has to do it to have a good relation with my daughter. And this is kind of rule. I dont like it and thinking about stopping therapy.
I was caught completely off guard when the trans madness turned our lives upside down. I didn't even know it was a thing affecting a vast number of kids. I had to start from scratch, doing research, and learning about this cult. This is our 6th year. Initially I blamed myself for a lot of things I did wrong. While grappling with what I did wrong or could have done better, internet exposure, is what I would say is the biggest influence on our kids. My pearl of advice with anyone with young kids, limit their time on the web and know what they are watching. Make them aware of the trans cult, and the dangers before they get hooked. Many schools are teaching this nonsense, get them out if you can, and into a different school, or homeschooling is even better. If you can't change schools lovingly guide them in the right way. Just as we warn kids not to cross a busy road or touch a hot stove, tell them that transgenderism is wrong. Affirm them as they are, tell them you are glad that they are a boy/girl. For trans identified kids take away the voices that influence them. Parents must also agree on the same issues. It doesn't help if the one spouse goes along and the other doesn't. Be firm, don't cave in, but be loving and supportive.
You may be reading my advice and thinking about the fact that you pray rather than the specific advice which I gave. I have a lot more feedback than just that to offer, not least of which is that disbelief in a universe of natural, knowable law, and belief in supernatural intervention and alterations of a miraculous nature are the beliefs which trans kids have taken fully to heart. So I suggest to refrain from modeling a belief in magical changes for that reason as well as for the essentially exploitative act of taking credit for someone else’s actions, thoughts, growths, realizations, etc. on the grounds that one has been hoping very hard for it. It may be the case that in working on yourself, your interactions with your child have been improved and your child responds positively. I really hope so. That is such a healthy thing to happen. You didn’t change her by praying, though.
It sounds like you are still in contact?
I'm not a parent, but I am a teen who was in the trans cult and got out of it. My parents gave me detransition stories to watch on YouTube. I didn't want to watch those vids, but my parents made a deal with me that if I watch a few detrans vids then they will watch trans "success stories". If you'd like to read my full story it's published on PITT with the title "They pushed me into this ideology and tried to keep me there forever". Hope this helps and good luck with your daughter!
Oh my that's awful, so you totally understand. It's insane how these people have completely brainwashed our kids! Stay strong....things are changing I just hope our girls dont physically harm themselves, this is already is taking a toll on their mental health.
I would not have supported my son going to University. He had a scholarship that paid for tuition and books, but if he had had to work to pay for his housing and food he would have had more self confidence and been happier. He also would have had less time on the internet. Even better if he had worked instead of going to school he would not have met the school therapist who told him he was trans, would not have had the school health system that put him on estrogen, and would not have had the “trans” club that supports his decisions.
I also wish we had attended a more conservative church.
I also wish I had frequently told him as a young child that boys cannot become girls or women, but frankly that never occurred to me.
I really believe proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Raise your child to have a relationship with Jesus and to know who they are in Him. Raise them to be happy with the sex God made them. I made the mistake of raising my daughter with religion not relationship, and I regret that. I was also ignorant about social media and it's power over our youth, never underestimate it.
What has helped me, and this may sound odd, is thinking of my son as my nephew. A young man I love and will be there for, yet not someone I am responsible for. Not someone whose failures reflect on me. He is 26, in year 5 of cross sex hormones. Not happier as a result. We never discuss gender topics. We have a great relationship. (There was a year of estrangement before I adopted my aunt-like stance). I have a seat at the table, should he ever waiver in his certainty that he is trans.
I have to say, from the many, many stories I’ve heard, there really is no wrong or right way to deal with this successfully. It is very very difficult in this technological age to parent when your kid has access to the entire world at their fingertips. Many grow up unscathed, but many do not. I would’ve been far more strict had I known the detriment unfettered access can bring. In hindsight I feel naive. But at the end of the day, they have made the choice & if you choose not to play along with their new identity & name, then that is your choice too & you must bear the loss. It’s a wrong form of ‘healthcare’ & all the enablers are no better.