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We are also waiting and watching after a couple of years of our daughter's desistance. But now, as she approaches 18, she has an online "girlfriend" who she's desperate to visit overseas. Hearing this "girls" voice - deep and masculine - I'm not sure if it's really a girl, possibly on testosterone, or a boy who thinks he's a girl. And I realise this isn't going to end anytime soon, that her whole young adulthood will be surrounded by this trans madness for many years to come.

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Yes PLEASE let it be so!!😘

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It sounds like the situation has some hope in reversing and you're handling it really well. Here's hoping.

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We did the same approach and our daughter desisted 4 months ago. It's a slow process for sure (or feels like it). We were lucky that this lasted only 2 years. She was also younger (13-15). But continued love and support along with sticking to your guns in what you believe is very important. And I also dropped little seeds everywhere. I left books I was reading around not in her face but she did look at my night stand where that stuff was kept. We also had some big life events happen (her dad had a massive MCA stroke 7 months ago (when we started seeing signs of desistence), he wasnt supposed to live and now he is home but still doesn't talk, limited walking and no use of his arm. So our lives have changed a lot this year. her therapist said sometimes these dramatic events gives us a big hit of reality and it helps move that dial.

Hang in there and hopefully the elephant won't be around much longer. I will hope, pray and advocate for you and all of us in the is messy gender world.❤️

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"Time heals all wounds", I hope they are right.

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It is a nightmare every time. And, kids are so often kept away from good mental health care/deprogramming from the Transcult since "trans" is always thrown in with sexual orientation. Is Anyone thinking?

"Appeals court upholds Colorado's ban on conversion therapy for minors"

"The ruling was celebrated Thursday by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, which described the ban as protecting minors from serious harm by those attempting to change their sexual orientation or gender identity.

"These discredited practices, which falsely promise to be able to change a young person's sexual orientation or gender identity, have been rejected as unsafe by every major medical and mental health organization in the country," Chris Stoll, senior staff attorney at the National Center for Lesbian Rights, said in a statement."

https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2024/09/13/Colorado-conversion-therapy-ban/6071726196785/

"Conversion "therapy" laws prohibit licensed mental health practitioners from subjecting LGBTQ minors to harmful conversion "therapy" practices that attempt to change their sexual orientation or gender identity. " https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/conversion_therapy

We probably cannot fix this without fixing our medical organizations which are unaffected by the UK Cass Review and common sense.

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I also watch my daughter for signs of desistance. Some days I think maybe. Other days she seems to be doubling down on the performance of masculine stereotypes. I think this community traps kids and makes it very difficult to desist. How do you tell people who know you as one sex and name to start calling you and treating you as another, without the trans narrative to protect you? How do you deal with the inevitable criticism and rejection you’ll get from the community and their misinformed allies? How do you get past the idea that was planted that if you ever desist, it means you were never really trans, you were just faking it for attention? How do you give up your entire community that supported you and gave you a sense of meaning and identity?

I tend to suspect that my daughter doesn’t really need this anymore, but that it’s too hard to back out now. I hope she’ll find the courage.

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Courage and humility, enemies of the cult.

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Thank you for sharing your story. Mine is similar with a son that just turned 18. As soon as he could he started hormones and is now 2 hours away at a university. He knows I don’t think he should be taking them but he doesn’t care and thinks he is more knowledgeable than me for sure. I am so frustrated that nearly everyone else affirms the insanity that he is female. A counselor he has seen for 2 years. I chose her for her Christian views but evidently counselors are supposed to affirm and let the patient figure it out. Most of his high school teachers except the one that knew him since 5th grade. Most his friends — all but one which are new since he started this in 9th grade. I am so sad. It is particularly hard because he wants me to use she/her with him and use his chosen name. I usually use a nickname. But he won’t request that of his dad or older brother or discuss it with them. (They know however.) I love him so much and we text and talk regularly but I hate what he is doing to himself. As far as desistance goes, I don’t see much except all his hobbies have been and are very male. He does have way too many stuffed animals for his age IMO and keeps buying them and I don’t understand that at all.

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Lucky you! He's still there, he hasn't cut you off, there are no more arguments, he still loves you. I would take that in a heartbeat!

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Supporting you from the sidelines. You and your son and your whole family are in my thoughts.

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This made my Friday so thank you so much for sharing your story. Finally, a glimmer of hope! You’ll get there. We’re all rooting for you and for the shark to go down hard and soon.

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Sep 13·edited Sep 13

Letting my almost shaved hair grow and wearing slightly more girlie clothes is how my desistance started. Clothes and hair are huge for trans identifying folks. They are our overall outer social tattoos that seal the deal.

Being capable of friendliness and amicability is big too. It's the visible sign of an inner peace that was not there before.

The fact that the folks from his world call him by his fake name means nothing. They have to. They don't wanna be seen as hateful transphobic bigots and canceled, do they?

Praying for him and your family that the light is starting to shine bright at the end of the tunnel.

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Hi Helene, how are you doing? Yr reply is very helpful. I too am at a point where some th i ngs look hopeful. My son took got ones and he too shaved his head recently BUT he also still has the shark and fake overly feminine body movements (cringe) and still shaves eyebrows and body hair, wears eyeliner and concealer, BUT he has resisted and gone back into it twice. He refuses to tell me anything, he is 20, recently lost his job he loved so over emotional yet again... But I am stuck in ptsd mode... stuck in damage control, fight and flight mode... stuck in EVERY SINGLE time i hear a certain drawer open or his door locks, I imagine him getting his syringes and bottle of estradiol and injecting. My mind is playing tricks on me, he has lied repetitively, he has rebounded twice before, he has had a traumatic trigger with the job loss YET I am stuck. We've been on this possible desisting road since January.

Did you experience a long and arduous road back to yourself? What was going on in yr head during that time? Do you remember or is it too painful to go back there?

Sending love my dear

❤🙏❤

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It was indeed long and arduous.

It's a long process.

He has gone deep in it so it will take time to totally extricate himself out of it.

For your own sake, you need to stop torturing yourself at his every move. I know it's easier said than done. Focus on your own healing from the insanity as he slowly gets out of it. Sending love your way.

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I agree it is huge for trans IDing people. I hope you will self publish your story some day, Helene and speak publicly. You are a great writer, a clear thinker, your stories touched many of us so deeply and you can help so many people understand the issues. Like Chloe does. Some of us have shared your writings to help people understand. I hope you are well and prospering.

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I'm ok

Thanks for caring 💌

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Hi Helene. I’ve thought about you alot this week cuz I wonder what you think about this. Don has been in the Trans train almost 3 years. I stopped talking about it a year and half ago. He stopped texting me in June and I thought ok I’ve given him to our Lord. So sent birthday cards etc and no response. His wife had her birthday in Aug and I said in her car I pray daily your hearts will soften so we can start talking and being a family. She thanked me for card and sweet message this past Monday. My son texted yesterday cuz he wants new IPhone which he is still on my account and is paying for but asking about a new cell option since my account. After all the phone talk, I text him saying I hope once he gets new phone we can talk more and I love you. He text back I love you too. So do you think he just wanted the IPhone or that he might be missing me? I know hard to know but I’m guessing he wanted phone. Thanks

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Sep 13·edited Sep 13

Though I'm sure he badly wants his phone, I think he meant it.

There was a million different ways to answer if he didn't.

The trans train, as you call it, is not a nice eventless ride. It's often harsh and bumpy and you welcome all the love you can get because at times, it's in short supply even from the " allies" and "cheerleaders" who don't really give a crap about you once their virtue signaling support has lived its shelf life but (most) parents still love you and are there for you.

You may not be at the end of the craziness yet but I feel it's taking a good turn. God answers your prayers. Talking about prayer, and since you seems to be a praying mom, I have somewhere in my messy room a paraphrase of "a prayer for your child/adult child" from Stormie Omartian, but geared towards parents of trans identifying kids. If you are interested I'll send it to you

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Helene, I would love a copy of that prayer too if you find it. Though I tentatively feel like we’re past the worst with our son, I have a very dear friend in the thick of it with her daughter.

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I gave the prayer you asked me about, to Prayingmother in the comments section

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Thank you so much. I will continue to pray for my son. I appreciate Helene so much. Keep being you. ❤️

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Thank you!

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Thanks for responding. I do feel God did make a very small step towards me in my prayers for my son and me to reconnect atleast by text. I’m not going to force myself on my son. I will stay quiet and keep my distance as I feel the quiet can speak volumes. I miss him so much. We use to be so close that her sense of humor is really what I miss but I tell myself I have to trust the Dear Lord knows what he’s doing. I’d love for you to share the prayer. I do pray for you to keep helping us parents when we are so confused from this trans life. I hope you are living your happiest life and that I really admire your courage to help us all. God bless you.

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I forgot to mention that this prayer is a free adaptation of prayers in " The power of a praying parent " by Stormie Omartian

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Oct 4·edited Oct 4

So here is the prayer I talked about

"Dear Lord, I pray this day that you would pour out your Spirit upon (name), and anoint him (her) for all you have called him (her) to be and do. I pray for your deliverance from the destructive path he (she) has been enticed to follow, trying to be someone he (she) was not created to be.

Deliver him (her) from any evil plan of the devil to destroy the person you created him (her) to be and to rob him (her) of his ( her) uniqueness, giftedness, his ( her) future, joy and life.

Open his (her) eyes to the truth of his (her) real identity and your perfect plan for his (her) life.

Help him (her) see that attempting to "transition " to the opposite sex will never bring him (her) the lasting happiness and peace he ( she) is longing for. Let his ( her) personality not be scarred nor his ( her) emotions damaged by the fragmentation of the soul that happens as a result of falling for the lies of gender identity confusion.

I pray for your cleansing power in my child's heart and mind of all the lies he ( she) has believed and that are ravaging his ( her) life. Help him ( her) clearly see that when the laws associated with your perfect creation of male and female are disregarded, life simply doesn't work. I pray for protection for my child against mutilation and permanent damage of his (her) body. I pray for deliverance, healing and wholeness for my child.

And when he ( she) is free from the slavery of his ( her) confusion, help my child lay down healthy boundaries, develop beneficial friendships, get a clear vision for his ( her) life and resist anything that is not your best for him ( her). I trust in your word that says " He sent His Word and healed them and delivered them from their destruction " and I believe in the labor of freedom you will, in your grace, accomplish in the life of my child. Amen.

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Thanks

I'll do some scavenger hunt and once I find it,

I'll send it to you

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Helena one more question that makes me wake up at night.

When the parents give our children the silent treatment because we refuse to “buy in” to the trans cult with the pronouns, new name etc. What in their mind do they think? Do they think oh good they have gotten the hint and stay away? Or do they think oh no I pushed my agenda too far?

Sometimes I feel the trans agenda is a game to them, and by not playing anymore they might not get the “rush” of it. Just curious what they are thinking?

I’m sorry to keep asking my questions and making you go back in time but I really value your opinion and TG for you on helping us parents. I would love to meet you sometime as u truly value you more than you know. I thank God you even acknowledge me and let me ask you questions. It really helps me as I try to understand the trans world. Ty

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This is a great question. My son’s texts were so ‘not him’ before we became estranged. Nothing I said seemed to reach him anyway. He was so adamant it was affirmination or nothing. I think from all my knowledge & my powerlessness I fairly quickly decided I was not going to fuel his reasons for cutting me off. It was a game I didn’t want to play. My silence became my response. It feels like forced resignation. I think about him every single day & how shockingly cruel it is for all of us. There is so much rejected love out there from good people.

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When you are swept, hook, line and sinker, into the trans ideology, you're oblivious to the sinister agenda(s) behind it. You don't realize you're "pushing an agenda" on your folks. So you never think you "pushed " too far. Though one may appreciate the distancing or

"silence" of parents because it means a cease fire in constant daily hostility, ultimately when the house crashes and the transition fails to provide the happiness one was shooting for and your glitter family turns on you as your disillusionment becomes a threat to their existence, the parents are usually the ones one turns to.

So make sure that your silent treatment, as you name it, is a loving one, where your kid knows that the door of your heart and your house are open. By not agreeing to the fake name and wrong pronouns, besides showing self respect by standing your ground, you're also protecting your sanity and you're placing yourself as the last safeguard of biological truth , an anchor to reality, available when your kid wakes up from his delusion.

Not sure I answered.

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Never doubt children don’t love their parents. Hang onto the “I love you too” text and know that he does.

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Sep 13·edited Sep 13

Sometimes for a fleeting moment I wonder if he keeps in touch for the minimal amount financial support I can give. But no. They need us and appreciate our unconditional love and support even if, and especially when we disagree. I know this is true when my son shares his challenges, happiness & accomplishments with me. I think you're handling it perfectly. I often tell him I hope he comes home. He's 32 so pretty sure he knows what I mean (he's banned me from sharing anything "detransition" related, so that's how I say it). I'm sure Helene has good insight, but thought I'd chime in ♡

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Keeping you and the other parents here in my prayers. My own son was absolutely horrified I said "agree to disagree" because it meant I did not accept his reality. He wants to hear his opinions coming from our mouths. It will never happen. He is older than all of your kids mentioned here, and did this later in life, so I pray that society turns around on this, the psychiatric community gets a backbone, and all of these poor kids can be saved.

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May this all be over for you soon 🙏

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I thought I would send a letter soon , to my 27 year old son, several states away, affirming his uniqueness in every way except for the fact that he is not a girl ! My husband will not use sons female name, and tells me that since I do, I want to have my cake and eat it too. Sometimes I want to know if he will cut me off, when I state that aforementioned fact, but for now, I think I will wait, even with the pain of wondering what is next; which is always there

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You are in my prayers. God Bless.

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