I’m sorry you had to wait so long to be yourself without fear of retribution.
I’ve been saying all along, we need to let kids be kids. Keep them safe but let them have the opportunities to form their own opinions & process their own feelings. Instill in them confidence to ask questions, if confused ab…
I’m sorry you had to wait so long to be yourself without fear of retribution.
I’ve been saying all along, we need to let kids be kids. Keep them safe but let them have the opportunities to form their own opinions & process their own feelings. Instill in them confidence to ask questions, if confused about something.
I’m heterosexual & married, my aspirations growing up was to be a mom & to have a family.I’m blessed with both. As a child & in my teens I was a complete Tom boy, as they called it back then. I rode dirt bikes, I was intrigued by insects and animals, I took home every stray. I’d be at the local grocery store offering them up for adoption after cleaning & caring for them. I had a lot of guy friends because I preferred outdoor activities like handball, dodgeball & frisbee. I played baseball and kickball too.
The few female friends I had , had similar interests. I was never accused of being a guy, or a lesbian. I had a very feminine appearance but dressed in Levi’s & flannels. I did notice my similar female counterparts, that had a more masculine build, were accused of such things. Yet, like me they were heterosexual. I remember consoling a good friend bc she feared she’d never go on a date.
People jump to conclusions way too quickly.
My daughter was way more feminine than I, as a young child.She loved drawing, coloring, dressing up. As a teen she wore jeans and flannels , loved animals and competed in horse jumping. But loved to bake & create things like costumes & various forms of art. She never fit in to the boy crazed girly girl crowd. I saw her struggling with fitting in. But she showed no signs of true masculinity.
She went off to a private college of the arts & at 23 announced the desire to transition ftm. I can’t help but feel she’s been brainwashed and put into a categorized box.
I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. But I’m no idiot. I’ve been a nurse in the urology & nephrology field for several years. I’ve had trans patients & I don’t see any similarities in her & them. I’ve seen the aftermath of botched surgeries & I fear for her life and safety.
I cannot fathom how this society is incapable of recognizing true acceptance is NOT forcing the person to change, but to accept the individual for who & what they truly are, as originally created.
Present medical modalities don’t allow a time of exploration or even a chance for these kids to process their feelings. It deviates them from an unsure state to a prescribed state where the prescriber is no more capable of understanding their feelings than they are. The job of a psychologist is to allow the patient to explore their feelings and emotions. Not prescribe a cure. When did that change? How is it possible that it changed in a legal fashion? I’d love for someone to explain this to me.
I wasn’t sure where your story was leading, and my heart sank when you revealed that your daughter was scooped up in the trans insanity. As a nurse, of course you are terrified by the medical risks and complications your daughter faces.
With each year that passes, the supposed criteria for who is “actually” trans gets watered down more and more. Maybe at one time, we might have been able to point to a person and say that he or she was always gender non-conforming, to the point that they were utterly miserable in their bodies. Okay, maybe transition helped them, but also, maybe not. Maybe they were just gay. Or autistic. Or victims of trauma. Your daughter’s lack of obvious signs of masculinity no longer matters. The trans medical ghouls want ALL THE CHILDREN, and they’ve removed all the guardrails to make that happen.
Recently, I had a brief interaction online with a middle-aged trans-identified woman (trans man). She said she transitioned over 20 years ago after an impoverished, abusive childhood and an attraction to women. Once she transitioned, she pulled her life together, got an education, and today is married to a woman and has a high paying, high status job. She lives “stealth,” which means her co-workers have no idea she’s a woman, and she is terrified that they might find out.
But her real problem is that about 10 years ago she realized that her trans identity was a lie. She regrets that she can’t get pregnant and will never be able to hold and breastfeed her baby. She’s still a lesbian (that doesn’t change) but she hates the fact that she can’t make love with a woman as a woman in a woman’s body. Her wife doesn’t want things to change, because she enjoys their privileged lifestyle. The wife now accuses her of being transphobic. Her story made me weep. My god, what a mess.
My point is, there might be something innate about transsexuality for some people, maybe…but there’s no exam, no blood test, no criterion we can point to definitively. What’s happening now with our kids is like the problem of deep sea tuna fishing that sweeps up dolphins in a wide net. They’ve thrown a net over the entire population of young people…we gays and lesbians are prime targets, but no longer are we the only ones.
Thank you for your response.I suspect my daughter is a lesbian or bisexual. When I asked, she said she’s not sure. I have expressed I’ll love her regardless of sexual preferences or exterior appearances. I just pleaded with her to give serious thought to what transition entails, especially with a family history of heart conditions and pancreatic cancer.She claims she’ll “be more comfortable “ with herself if she alters her physical appearance.
I’m almost finished with a program to advance my nursing degree. We have plans to spend a weekend together, once I’m done, to further discuss all of this. I prefaced the idea of spending a weekend together with, “I’d like to learn more about your feelings and plans.” I’m hoping & praying some good will arise from it.
You're fortunate she can talk to you about herself. But many who 'transition' end up w/ a great deal of discomfort from the effects of the cross-sex hormones and the complications of the surgeries--and, of course, they become lifelong medical patients.
I’m trying to find a way to get that through to her before she attempts any of this. She tells me she’s well aware of the potential adverse effects, etc. I’ve sent her books like “irreversible damage “‘ videos including “Affirmation Generation” and told her of patients I’ve seen die from sepsis, etc.
I paid for sessions with Dr Zucker.
I’m praying , since she hasn’t physically changed herself via medical intervention yet, there’s internal & non verbalized doubt . I’m planning to try like crazy to appeal to that doubt and increase it.
Either way. I’m going to love her & hope & pray hormones don’t tear us apart .
It's great that she is talking to you! Interesting that she picked such a "weak" word as "comfortable" to explain her reasons for wanting to transition. Comfort is a relatively low importance goal, isn't it? Most people don't undergo invasive (highly uncomfortable) medical procedures to feel more comfortable. Do you think you could gently ask her what are the things that she values higher than being comfortable? Would transition help or hinder achieving them?
I’m trying to compile a list of things I’d like to ask & to figure out the best way to go about it.
I sent her many things to read and watch. She & I wrote emails back and forth. She asked me to please stop sending her things “about the plague that’s killing her daughter.”I agreed. Then after some time of complying with her request. I sent her “Affirmation Generation “ stating I knew I made a promise but felt so much that it was an exception- I would refuse future/further conversions unless she watched it in its entirety. So she claimed she did, in its entirety, but still plans to proceed with her transition.
The day she came out to us, I told her I knew it was selfish, but asked her to wait until I completed school to take any action. She thanked me for admitting it was selfish & agreed.
I recently discussed & sent her the article on “The Two Spirit people of indigenous North Americans” asking if she thought about embracing a gift rather than altering her appearance & that’s when she used the term “more comfortable.” My daughter is a beautiful person inside and out. We’ve had a great relationship throughout the years. I often told her I admired her talents & calm nature and wished I shared more of those qualities.
When I saw she was struggling a bit with fitting in I rearranged my schedules to take her & friends to concerts in different locations. I sat through many horse shows and practices to instill she was never alone, unless she wanted to be.
I know I’m rambling, but that’s why this is so difficult to accept. All those road trips, late rides home after practicing. She never said a word or even eluded to it.
I’m not one of those parents who sees no wrong in their child. I’ve called my kids out on plenty; like not being patient with a friend, or making sure they didn’t just include someone for their own benefit, making sure they returned a favor when a friend needed them, etc.🤷🏻♀️
There's hope, because you and your daughter are communicating with each other. She hasn't cut you off, as so often happens. This is huge. Soffie's in her early 20s. Her pre-frontal cortex is still in the process of maturing. She'll acquire much self-awareness prior to her 30th birthday that will change her perspective on everything. Looking back, I see how much more clear-headed I was at 30 than at 23. She doesn't know about this. But you do. Waiting is of the essence, and Soffie needs time.
Her discomfort with her physical self is not unusual, especially if she's dealing with issues related to sexuality. Unfortunately, grooming comes into play here: the trans community pushes the narrative that women's lives are awful and it's better -- more powerful, credible, courageous -- to be a man than a masculine woman. That's a terrible reason to transition but it carries a lot of weight. However, your credibiilty as a medical professional also carries a lot of weight, and it's not based on ideological jargon, but on real-world scientific knowledge and experience. Right now she may believe that she needs to transition ASAP. But if you can suggest to her that she wait, it might give her some comfort and breathing room. And, of course, in the interim, her brain will be moving in the direction of maturity, logic and self-awareness.
Maybe you've seen the new documentary, "Affirmation Generation"? It would be wonderful if she'd agree to watch it with you. I have no doubt that she would see herself in the three young women who share their stories. It's a masterful film.
In the privacy of Soffie's mind, good information will counteract the propaganda that she's undoubtedly exposed to. As she matures, the truth about trans will percolate and becomes part of the knowledge base she will use to realize that she is perfect just the way she is. At least, this is my hope for her. And for you.
Thanks so much for sharing your story.
I’m sorry you had to wait so long to be yourself without fear of retribution.
I’ve been saying all along, we need to let kids be kids. Keep them safe but let them have the opportunities to form their own opinions & process their own feelings. Instill in them confidence to ask questions, if confused about something.
I’m heterosexual & married, my aspirations growing up was to be a mom & to have a family.I’m blessed with both. As a child & in my teens I was a complete Tom boy, as they called it back then. I rode dirt bikes, I was intrigued by insects and animals, I took home every stray. I’d be at the local grocery store offering them up for adoption after cleaning & caring for them. I had a lot of guy friends because I preferred outdoor activities like handball, dodgeball & frisbee. I played baseball and kickball too.
The few female friends I had , had similar interests. I was never accused of being a guy, or a lesbian. I had a very feminine appearance but dressed in Levi’s & flannels. I did notice my similar female counterparts, that had a more masculine build, were accused of such things. Yet, like me they were heterosexual. I remember consoling a good friend bc she feared she’d never go on a date.
People jump to conclusions way too quickly.
My daughter was way more feminine than I, as a young child.She loved drawing, coloring, dressing up. As a teen she wore jeans and flannels , loved animals and competed in horse jumping. But loved to bake & create things like costumes & various forms of art. She never fit in to the boy crazed girly girl crowd. I saw her struggling with fitting in. But she showed no signs of true masculinity.
She went off to a private college of the arts & at 23 announced the desire to transition ftm. I can’t help but feel she’s been brainwashed and put into a categorized box.
I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. But I’m no idiot. I’ve been a nurse in the urology & nephrology field for several years. I’ve had trans patients & I don’t see any similarities in her & them. I’ve seen the aftermath of botched surgeries & I fear for her life and safety.
I cannot fathom how this society is incapable of recognizing true acceptance is NOT forcing the person to change, but to accept the individual for who & what they truly are, as originally created.
Present medical modalities don’t allow a time of exploration or even a chance for these kids to process their feelings. It deviates them from an unsure state to a prescribed state where the prescriber is no more capable of understanding their feelings than they are. The job of a psychologist is to allow the patient to explore their feelings and emotions. Not prescribe a cure. When did that change? How is it possible that it changed in a legal fashion? I’d love for someone to explain this to me.
I wasn’t sure where your story was leading, and my heart sank when you revealed that your daughter was scooped up in the trans insanity. As a nurse, of course you are terrified by the medical risks and complications your daughter faces.
With each year that passes, the supposed criteria for who is “actually” trans gets watered down more and more. Maybe at one time, we might have been able to point to a person and say that he or she was always gender non-conforming, to the point that they were utterly miserable in their bodies. Okay, maybe transition helped them, but also, maybe not. Maybe they were just gay. Or autistic. Or victims of trauma. Your daughter’s lack of obvious signs of masculinity no longer matters. The trans medical ghouls want ALL THE CHILDREN, and they’ve removed all the guardrails to make that happen.
Recently, I had a brief interaction online with a middle-aged trans-identified woman (trans man). She said she transitioned over 20 years ago after an impoverished, abusive childhood and an attraction to women. Once she transitioned, she pulled her life together, got an education, and today is married to a woman and has a high paying, high status job. She lives “stealth,” which means her co-workers have no idea she’s a woman, and she is terrified that they might find out.
But her real problem is that about 10 years ago she realized that her trans identity was a lie. She regrets that she can’t get pregnant and will never be able to hold and breastfeed her baby. She’s still a lesbian (that doesn’t change) but she hates the fact that she can’t make love with a woman as a woman in a woman’s body. Her wife doesn’t want things to change, because she enjoys their privileged lifestyle. The wife now accuses her of being transphobic. Her story made me weep. My god, what a mess.
My point is, there might be something innate about transsexuality for some people, maybe…but there’s no exam, no blood test, no criterion we can point to definitively. What’s happening now with our kids is like the problem of deep sea tuna fishing that sweeps up dolphins in a wide net. They’ve thrown a net over the entire population of young people…we gays and lesbians are prime targets, but no longer are we the only ones.
Great analogy! #Don’tTranstheGayAway and everybody else!
Beeswax,
Thank you for your response.I suspect my daughter is a lesbian or bisexual. When I asked, she said she’s not sure. I have expressed I’ll love her regardless of sexual preferences or exterior appearances. I just pleaded with her to give serious thought to what transition entails, especially with a family history of heart conditions and pancreatic cancer.She claims she’ll “be more comfortable “ with herself if she alters her physical appearance.
I’m almost finished with a program to advance my nursing degree. We have plans to spend a weekend together, once I’m done, to further discuss all of this. I prefaced the idea of spending a weekend together with, “I’d like to learn more about your feelings and plans.” I’m hoping & praying some good will arise from it.
You're fortunate she can talk to you about herself. But many who 'transition' end up w/ a great deal of discomfort from the effects of the cross-sex hormones and the complications of the surgeries--and, of course, they become lifelong medical patients.
I’m trying to find a way to get that through to her before she attempts any of this. She tells me she’s well aware of the potential adverse effects, etc. I’ve sent her books like “irreversible damage “‘ videos including “Affirmation Generation” and told her of patients I’ve seen die from sepsis, etc.
I paid for sessions with Dr Zucker.
I’m praying , since she hasn’t physically changed herself via medical intervention yet, there’s internal & non verbalized doubt . I’m planning to try like crazy to appeal to that doubt and increase it.
Either way. I’m going to love her & hope & pray hormones don’t tear us apart .
It's great that she is talking to you! Interesting that she picked such a "weak" word as "comfortable" to explain her reasons for wanting to transition. Comfort is a relatively low importance goal, isn't it? Most people don't undergo invasive (highly uncomfortable) medical procedures to feel more comfortable. Do you think you could gently ask her what are the things that she values higher than being comfortable? Would transition help or hinder achieving them?
I’m trying to compile a list of things I’d like to ask & to figure out the best way to go about it.
I sent her many things to read and watch. She & I wrote emails back and forth. She asked me to please stop sending her things “about the plague that’s killing her daughter.”I agreed. Then after some time of complying with her request. I sent her “Affirmation Generation “ stating I knew I made a promise but felt so much that it was an exception- I would refuse future/further conversions unless she watched it in its entirety. So she claimed she did, in its entirety, but still plans to proceed with her transition.
The day she came out to us, I told her I knew it was selfish, but asked her to wait until I completed school to take any action. She thanked me for admitting it was selfish & agreed.
I recently discussed & sent her the article on “The Two Spirit people of indigenous North Americans” asking if she thought about embracing a gift rather than altering her appearance & that’s when she used the term “more comfortable.” My daughter is a beautiful person inside and out. We’ve had a great relationship throughout the years. I often told her I admired her talents & calm nature and wished I shared more of those qualities.
When I saw she was struggling a bit with fitting in I rearranged my schedules to take her & friends to concerts in different locations. I sat through many horse shows and practices to instill she was never alone, unless she wanted to be.
I know I’m rambling, but that’s why this is so difficult to accept. All those road trips, late rides home after practicing. She never said a word or even eluded to it.
I’m not one of those parents who sees no wrong in their child. I’ve called my kids out on plenty; like not being patient with a friend, or making sure they didn’t just include someone for their own benefit, making sure they returned a favor when a friend needed them, etc.🤷🏻♀️
She sounds like a wonderful young woman and you sound like a great mom. I hope she comes to her senses soon.
Thank you for that. But I question my parenting repeatedly over this.
Me too, I always question myself as a parent. Maybe it's not a bad thing?
There's hope, because you and your daughter are communicating with each other. She hasn't cut you off, as so often happens. This is huge. Soffie's in her early 20s. Her pre-frontal cortex is still in the process of maturing. She'll acquire much self-awareness prior to her 30th birthday that will change her perspective on everything. Looking back, I see how much more clear-headed I was at 30 than at 23. She doesn't know about this. But you do. Waiting is of the essence, and Soffie needs time.
Her discomfort with her physical self is not unusual, especially if she's dealing with issues related to sexuality. Unfortunately, grooming comes into play here: the trans community pushes the narrative that women's lives are awful and it's better -- more powerful, credible, courageous -- to be a man than a masculine woman. That's a terrible reason to transition but it carries a lot of weight. However, your credibiilty as a medical professional also carries a lot of weight, and it's not based on ideological jargon, but on real-world scientific knowledge and experience. Right now she may believe that she needs to transition ASAP. But if you can suggest to her that she wait, it might give her some comfort and breathing room. And, of course, in the interim, her brain will be moving in the direction of maturity, logic and self-awareness.
Maybe you've seen the new documentary, "Affirmation Generation"? It would be wonderful if she'd agree to watch it with you. I have no doubt that she would see herself in the three young women who share their stories. It's a masterful film.
In the privacy of Soffie's mind, good information will counteract the propaganda that she's undoubtedly exposed to. As she matures, the truth about trans will percolate and becomes part of the knowledge base she will use to realize that she is perfect just the way she is. At least, this is my hope for her. And for you.
Good luck, Soffie's mom.